White House Information Hotline, can I help you? Yes, I’d love to clear that up. We’ve gotten so many calls on the recent visit by the Israeli prime minister.
Well, first, let me blame the media. Here they were barred from the meeting, forbidden to take pictures — unlike any other visit from a head of state — and they still reported as if they had been there and knew what went on. How unfair is that?
More important, when the president meets with an ally this close, he doesn’t need a snapshot to remember the event. Sure, he has photos on the mansion walls of his meetings with leaders of other little tiny countries like Nicaragua and Venezuela, but as a senior adviser said last Sunday, “There was no snub intended.” This was, as he also said, a “working meeting.” It wasn’t a happy-hour gathering over a few beers. That’s reserved for overly sensitive police officers who feel the president has offended them in some way.
What did he mean by working meeting? I am so glad you asked.
The prime minister was the first head of state to be interviewed by the new White House Zoning Hearing Board.
This is no laughing matter. As you probably know, during a recent trip to the Mideast by the vice president, a visit which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by a news release from the State of Israel regarding the addition of 1,600 housing units to an East Jerusalem neighborhood.
Well, yes, you’re right. East Jerusalem was exempt from the settlement moratorium announced in November. Yes, this project had been in the works for years. But no, the vice president’s use of the word “condemn” certainly was “not an overreaction.”
We’re talking about the public humiliation of our No. 2 guy. If he does it to himself all the time why can’t others? I don’t think that’s a very nice thing to say.
As the senior adviser also said, “Sometimes, part of friendship is expressing yourself bluntly.” So the vice president was being blunt about his hurt feelings.
I think we can all understand that.
Why wasn’t Secretary of State Hillary Clinton equally blunt with the Russians? Well, yes, while she was there they did say they’d proceed with the nuclear plant they are building in Iran despite our objections.
But let’s be realistic. No. 1, she’s not quite as sensitive as the vice president. No. 2, you don’t condemn a major nuclear power run by a bunch of ex-KGB goons. When it comes to the international schoolyard, some bullies push back, if you know what I mean.
But little tiny Israel? Come on, who else have they got? They have to realize that our president knows what’s best — for everyone. Sure they elected the prime minister — and we can forgive that mistake. Of course, they may know slightly more about the region, having lived there and all. But who has the Nobel Peace Prize, hmmm? And so our Nobel laureate president banged the gavel down on the opening session of the White House Zoning Hearing Board, which the administration believes can bring a community organizing and social justice touch to housing and land disputes throughout the world.
And they’re off to a good start, extensively interrogating … er, questioning … the prime minister about these new housing units. It was decided that he needed a variance, so he had to fill out some forms. The board will make a decision after checking with Israel’s neighbors, who will have 30 days to raise concerns or demonstrate a hardship of some kind. And just to show how other countries are already endorsing the process, the president of Iran replied almost immediately. No, I can’t reveal if he is for or against the variance.
Who’s on the board? Well, here we were so fortunate. As it was being created, some of the finest housing and social justice minds in the world became available.
That’s right, from ACORN. We lured some of their top people away just before they shut down last week. And they were practically on the federal payroll anyway, so their salaries and benefits won’t increase the deficit. Oh my, no, those people from the videos are not on the board. They were sent to the State Department’s Central America desk to work in brothel support.
——— ABOUT THE WRITER Kevin Ferris is assistant editor of the Editorial Page of the Philadelphia Inquirer. Readers may write to him at: Philadelphia Inquirer, P.O. Box 8263, Philadelphia, Pa. 19101, or by e-mail at kf@phillynews.com.
