Dear Amy: Rumor has it that the paid head cleric of our congregation has left his wife and filed for divorce because he “finally found his ‘soul mate.’ “
The “other party” is leaving her marriage and four children. Divorce is acceptable according to our faith and state law.
Wealthier (cash supporting) members believe the cleric’s position calls for (their definition of) “purity of spirit,” and are pushing hard for the cleric’s dismissal. This is according to their standard.
Funny how money talks louder than the voice of the Lord, eh? And never mind that all of this is legal according to the state. You have any views? — Bothered and Bewildered
Dear Bothered: I can’t speak to the spiritual issues raised by this matter, but in my experience faith communities are like other communities — with rules, standards and procedures that they try mightily to apply to life’s messier happenings.
Not only is this rumored behavior morally wrong (though legal), it could interfere with (and even permanently disrupt) the business and mission of your community. That’s why it needs to be addressed.
Being the head cleric of a faith community might be one of the few jobs where “purity of spirit” is actually in the job description. (Fortunately, this is not the case in newspapers.)
Surely there is a committee made up of congregants charged with the unhappy task of sorting this out and deciding what next step to take.
Your assumption that wealthier members all object to this implies that non- wealthy members condone this behavior. I find that hard to imagine.
You have the right to make your views known.
Dear Amy: I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. The relationship has been great — too great at times.
Although it is a pretty serious relationship, we have decided not to move in with each other at this point.
However, she informed me recently that she was thinking about moving in with a guy friend of hers that I have heard her talk about on many occasions but have not met.
She told me that they have no intimate history and that they have known each other since grade school.
Regardless, I am still very uncomfortable with it. Am I overanalyzing? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: I’m stuck on the concept of the “too great” relationship and can only assume that you and your girlfriend are like those gigantic banks that are “too big to fail.”
It’s a little surprising that you two have been dating for more than a year and have not met each other’s oldest and closest friends.
You haven’t explained why your girlfriend is interested in changing her living situation. It’s possible she may be trying to prod you in one direction by moving in another.
Be calm about this and behave as if this potential roommate is just like any other.
You’re not overanalyzing; you’re being an interested boyfriend. That’s your story, and you should stick to it.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are finally at the point in our lives where we are able to have nice furniture.
Two of the chairs in our living room have matching ottomans; one is covered in chenille and the other is a quality leather. When we use them, we do so without shoes on because they are made of the same fine fabrics as the chairs.
Here’s my problem: When our daughter and son-in-law visit, they always sit in these chairs and plop their shoes up on these ottomans.
Would it be inappropriate to ask them to remove their shoes before they use the ottomans? — Nice in the Big Easy
Dear Nice: I wouldn’t impose this no-shoe rule on other guests, but when it’s family, you can ask anything.
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