Dear Amy: I am 60 years old and have been single for 20 years.
My best friend tells me I’m “man crazy” because I keep trying to connect emotionally with men at church, my favorite venue for meeting nice men.
My friend says that I fall in love with every man who talks to me. I think I know whether a man is flirting or just being friendly.
She told me recently that she thinks men generally avoid me because I’m too aggressive. Yes, there are times when I have been infatuated with men. But when I let a man know, he pretty much runs for the hills.
I think I have a lot to offer a man, but evidently I drive them away. I don’t know how to proceed. — Need to Know
Dear Need: Church is a great place to connect with people, but the primary connection should be spiritual or communal.
You sound like a stalker, and from your description you make people uncomfortable. You could work on understanding your galloping emotions by seeing a professional therapist.
Church is not the appropriate venue to practice your flirting skills. Listen carefully to your friend’s description of your behavior and ask her to help you to behave differently.
Dear Amy: I am very close to my niece. She has two daughters who are in the gifted classes at their elementary school.
I used to be a teacher and can tell that their IQs are indeed high, even without knowing their scores. The problem is that my niece brags to everyone about this, and now her two daughters are also bragging to everyone. How do I diplomatically tell her this is wrong? — Worried Aunt Pat
Dear Aunt Pat: First, you should determine whether this is really a larger problem — or merely a turnoff for you.
If you are convinced this bragging will create problems for the kids, you can start by praising the children and asking your niece how things are going in school so far this year.
Then ask her, “How do other families react when you point out the kids’ achievements?”
Then you should offer your observation that you have heard the kids boasting.
A high IQ is a blessing, but emotional intelligence is important too. These girls should be encouraged to be as loud and proud as they care to be about their smarts. But they must never do so in a way that diminishes or puts down another child.
If they are excessively obnoxious, their classmates will let them know.
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