Dear Amy: A man calling himself “Wandering Husband” wrote to you, justifying why he cheats.
I have dealt with a husband who has cheated from Day One, and it wasn’t easy, but between kids and our financial situation, staying with him was the only option for me.
When I responded to his last little “slip-up” I told him I wanted exactly what he had. I said I wanted to be able to cheat just as he did; we agreed to have an “open marriage.”
Through all the fights and issues we’ve had, we have tried to revert to monogamy, but it didn’t work.
Honestly, every time I cheat and let him know it, he’s not happy, and that puts a smile on my face.
Not all men fall into this category, but some men can be swayed by other women because they are weak.
I realize it’s not my fault that he cheats and it’s not the fault of the women he cheats with — it’s his fault.
I feel like any woman facing this should get out now, because he won’t change and there are a ton of men out there who won’t behave this way.
I am a wife who is definitely having the last laugh. — Chuckling
Dear Chuckling: If you are having the “last laugh,” then why is your letter so very sad?
I agree with you that your husband’s choice to cheat isn’t your responsibility.
Your choice to cheat is. And by your own account, your decision to stay in this marriage and try to cheat your way out of your marital problems is regretful — otherwise, why would you suggest that other people facing this issue should “get out now”?
Dear Amy: Thank you for not letting “Wandering Husband” get away with his lame explanation of why men cheat.
His glib justification that cheating makes him more attractive to his spouse places this chap somewhere on the corner of Borderline Boulevard and Narcissism Street.
As the father of a young daughter, I want to clip this column to warn her when she gets older, but I’m afraid it might disillusion her altogether. — Monogamous by Choice
Dear Monogamous: You won’t have to warn your daughter about men.
You and your wife have only to live well and be fully in your marriage to set the best possible example for her.
Dear Amy: I’m a senior in high school. Recently I asked a friend to do my “senior portraits” for me. We work together, and I don’t know her very well, but I like her photography skills, and she wanted to add my portraits to her portfolio.
After we did the photo shoot, she showed me all the pictures, and I really liked some of them.
Then she took the photos home to edit them before she presented me with her favorites.
She showed me the ones she selected, but none of them are the pictures that I like.
They are mostly shots of my back or some funky pose; they are not terribly flattering or yearbook-worthy.
We clearly have different opinions on what constitutes a good photo.
I’m not paying her for these, and I didn’t get the chance to point out to her the ones I wanted before she edited the collection.
How do I tell her I don’t like the photos she selected and ask for my favorites without ruining our relationship? — In a Pickle
Dear Pickle: This person did a favor, and according to you, there were shots you liked.
Your friend benefited from having “arty” shots to add to her portfolio, and now you can be honest with her and say, “I think these are too funky for my yearbook, but there were other shots I really liked. Do you still have those? I’d love to take another look at them.”
You should offer to pay for the shots you like as a way of thanking her.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
