Dear Amy: My friend has been married for 11 years. The relationship has been tumultuous from the start. He drinks daily and comes home nasty to pick fights with her.
In the past, she has verbally taken him on, and now she is numb and acquiesces. It’s not good for her and her already low self-esteem.
I have suggested counseling for both of them, counseling for just her (insurance is not an issue) and offered my home to her for a while, should she get the courage to leave him, so she can get her feet on the ground.
However, she does nothing but continue to complain about him for hours.
I have even told her bluntly, “I don’t want to hear about it because you don’t do anything about it.”
I think she is a bit hurt that I, as her friend, am not there anymore in this regard, although I think she understands why.
Is there any advice you can offer that may motivate her to move on and restore her happiness? — Broken Record Concern
Dear Broken Record: You may not be able to compel your friend to change her life.
Your support is the essence of true friendship — and now you need to find a positive way to manage your own frustration. Instead of shutting her down when she shares her troubles, you could respond by saying, “I’m so sorry. I hope one day you will take me up on my offer to help you break free from this abuse. Can you think of anything you could do differently?”
You could extend the opportunity to attend an Al Anon meeting along with you. There she will find a community of other people whose lives have been affected by a loved one’s drinking.
You can locate a local meeting by calling 1-888-425-2666 or checking .
This is hard on you, but please don’t give up on her. Every person in distress needs an angel, and she is lucky that you are hers.
Dear Amy: My family has a garage sale every fall.
Last year a neighbor showed interest in a child’s bike, and I told her that she could take it free of charge. After all, our children are in school together and we socialize from time to time.
My neighbor then proceeded to take as much “free” stuff as she could carry. She left with about $75 worth.
While I wouldn’t have minded giving her the bike or a few inexpensive trinkets, I felt she was taking advantage. How can I tactfully let this neighbor know that this is not acceptable?
I don’t want to cause any hard feelings since we will be seeing a lot of each other in the neighborhood. — Speechless
Dear Speechless: The time to tackle this would have been last year, as your neighbor was loading your household goods into her minivan.
A year later, there is no tactful way to handle this; however, if your yearly yard sale is approaching and this neighbor shows up expecting the same deal, make sure you re-educate her in no uncertain terms that the term “yard sale” contains the word “sale.”
Dear Amy: I was stunned at your answer to the lady who asked her husband’s friend “John,” to stop sending them porn by e-mail.
Send his mail to the spam folder? I don’t think so.
This goes way beyond spam and should be treated as such. I would tell this guy that if he sends one more porn image to our e-mail address I will block his e-mails, period. And then do it.
He obviously has no respect for this family’s wishes, so why should they have to have any contact with inappropriate subject matter?
And if “John” has something important to say, he’d better just use the phone. — Another Concerned Grandma
Dear Grandma: Many readers felt the spam folder was too gentle a fate for this daily dose of porn.
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