Dear Amy: We have lived in our home on a very large lot for almost 20 years, but a neighbor with two young children may drive us out.
Their daughters (ages 4 and 7) continuously scream while playing in their backyard. I’m talking about five to 10 screams a minute — constantly. One set of neighbors has barking dogs and others a “garage band,” but they are considerate of others. The neighbors with the screaming girls think this behavior is normal. They told me, “Oh, the girls are just playing.”
This has gotten to the point where we have almost stopped using our porch.
One neighbor has stopped using their patio for cookouts, and my wife has totally stopped painting (her hobby) because of the noise.
The obvious next step is to try the more direct approach, but I don’t want to start a feud. I’m not sure they’ll even understand.
Is there a better way to open their eyes to this issue before we go nuts or start a neighborhood feud? Help! — Ready to Scream in Virginia
Dear Ready: Your lives now revolve around the play schedule of pint-size screamers. Silly, isn’t it?
You could prove your neighborliness by being honest. You say to the parents, “We should have mentioned this earlier, but the girls’ screaming is driving us crazy. Normally when we hear blood-curdling screams, we call 911. Can you ask them to stop screaming so loudly when they play?”
You can also speak directly to the girls if they’re outside. Where I come from, a neighbor driven to distraction can stand on the back porch and yell, “Hey, girls! Pipe down!”
I suggest you try it.
Dear Amy: I am a 26-year- old woman who has been involved with a man for two years. He continues to see his ex-girlfriend. He has been seeing her the whole time we’ve been together.
He told me he just wasn’t the “relationship type.” He said he wanted to freely mess around.
At first I was OK with this, but I didn’t expect that we would become so close.
I have always wanted to be in a committed relationship. We were discussing holiday plans and he told me that if his ex wanted, he would be with her.
He said that if we were not seeing each other, he would be in a committed relationship with his ex. But he said I am very important to him and he doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to be alone. What should I do? — Can’t Stop the Love
Dear Can’t: If you don’t want to be alone, then you could just keep doing what you’re doing, but I venture that you’re more alone in this relationship than you would be if you were truly on your own.
I find your guy’s honesty somewhat refreshing. He’s telling you that you aren’t the primary relationship in his life and that you never will be. He will not change because he has no motivation to change. On the other hand, your motivation to change is obvious: If you can make a break from this relationship, you’ll have the potential to find one that is better and healthier.
Dear Amy: Sometimes you are so off base. “Pirate’s Booty” found old coins secreted in the wall of their house. These certainly must mean a great deal to their previous owners’ heirs. You suggested the owners should “give them one coin”? How cold. Why should the finder’s “financial needs” have anything to do with returning these to the heirs?
Shame on you! — Joan
Dear Joan: I maintain that when you buy a house, you own whatever is inside the walls of the house. And yes, I would definitely let my own financial needs dictate what I chose to do with the coins.
I thought offering to share the collection was generous, but readers seem to agree with you.
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