Dear Amy: My husband and I have been happily married for two years.
His family has welcomed me with open arms, and I am grateful for their kindness and enjoy their company.
The problem is my mother-in-law’s cooking. She does not wash her hands!
I have caught her putting her fingers in food, licking her fingers and putting them back in the same dish.
During our Christmas visit, she and I went grocery shopping. We returned and prepared the leftovers.
She “re-mashed” the potatoes with her bare hands — without ever washing her hands!
My husband and I are disgusted. Is there any way to bring this to her attention without hurting her feelings?
I do not want to cause conflict with my in-laws, but I am mortified to think of the germs in the food she is serving us. — Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out: This is extremely unappetizing, not to mention unhealthy. If you were pregnant and contracted listeria from these unsanitary practices, it could be disastrous.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (cdc ) offers recommendations for safe food-handling practices — and washing utensils and hands are paramount.
Because your husband was presumably raised by his mother and is also grossed out by this, one wonders if she has always done this — or if it is a new development.
If it’s new, his mother could have her own health issues leading to this behavior.
Bringing this up shouldn’t cause conflict, though your mother-in-law might be a little stung. Try saying: “Mom, I’m very concerned about hand washing in the kitchen and I notice you’re pretty casual about it. Can you help me out here? I feel like I can’t eat comfortably unless the cook washes her hands often.”
Dear Amy: I am the mother of a former stripper — or “exotic dancer,” as they prefer to be called. I’m responding to the letter in your column from “Fretting Mom,” who was horrified that her son was in a relationship with a stripper.
Younger generations do not judge exotic dancers the way older generations do.
While many of these women are trapped in a profession that has a degrading reputation, many others see dancing as a way to work their way through college or support families.
I didn’t expect for my beautiful and intelligent daughter to become an exotic dancer, but the money was good and while working at clubs she made many lifelong friends who are now highly educated mothers, lawyers and businesswomen. One is now in medical school.
She also met many men who are in high-level positions within corporations and government and learned how to survive in the good old boys club. — Mother in Minneapolis
Dear Mother: In popular myth, strippers — exotic dancers — always seem to be working their way through graduate school. You just never seem to hear about young women exploited, degraded or trapped through their own choices.
And if stripping is the way into the “good old boys club,” then that’s a club it might be better not to join.
Dear Amy: “Perplexed” expressed frustration when companies don’t bother to let you know you have not been hired, suggesting that the courteous thing would be for employers to contact applicants and let them know if they didn’t make the grade.
In my 20s, I interviewed for a great job, and they called and politely informed me that I hadn’t been picked. I was very disappointed, but appreciated their effort.
About an hour later they called back and offered me the job!
Apparently, you are supposed to call and make sure your top choice actually wants the job before dismissing all the other candidates! — Finally Hired
Dear Hired: Sometimes, coming in second is good enough.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
