So this it how it ends — with a bang and a whimper.
The last big, specialeffects-laden franchise film of summer, “Conan the Barbarian” — the well-made retelling of the origin story of the iron-age hero created by Robert E. Howard in the ’30s and popularized by the movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger in the ’80s —is as frenetic and violent as could be expected. There’s enough head-bashing and limb-hewing to make an ER doc woozy. But the movie is ultimately so pedestrian it’s hard to work up much enthusiasm as it lurches from one big action set-piece to the next.
Things begin well enough as we’re introduced to Corin (Ron Perlman), leader of the Cimmerian people in the fictional land of Hyboria. He’s in possession of a piece of an ancient evil mask that, when put together with the other pieces, makes whoever owns it invincible. He keeps it safely hidden but power-mad warlord Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his evil daughter, Marique (Rose McGowan), who just happens to be a witch, are the ones who have most of the mask and lust after what would make it complete. So they invade Cimmeria, take what they want, and slaughter everyone — except for young Conan (Leo Howard), who vows revenge.
Flash forward a few years and Conan has grown into a handsome hulk (Jason Momoa). Not only does he still have to avenge his father but rescue a damsel in distress, Tamara (Rachel Nichols), whose “pure blood” Zym needs to activate the power of the mask.
The problem is that Momoa (“Game of Thrones”) may have the required physique to play Conan, but he isn’t particularly compelling as a lead. His sword has more emotional range than he does. And in an era when 3-D technology has moved from occasionally entertaining to largely annoying,”Conan” could compete for honors as the film of the year with the most unnecessary use of 3-D. There are some striking moments, as in Conan and Tamara’s fight against the sand people, warriors created from Marique’s breath, or in young Conan’s single-handed humbling of a gang of invaders early in the film. Director Marcus Nispel (who did the 2003 “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake and the 2009 take on “Friday the 13th”) occasionally shows off a keen visual sense, but mostly he seems hamstrung by the mechanics of the story.
If there’s one thing that “Conan the Barbarian” proves, it’s that there are reasons beyond the heat to want this summer to be over.
(Cary Darling, McClatchy Newspapers)
