Dear Amy: My parents separated when I was a senior in high school. They had an ugly divorce. I didn’t speak to my father for three years, although he continued to pay for my education, car and cellphone. He pays alimony and child support for my teenage brother.
He didn’t make the time to talk through things with my siblings and me for a while.
I am engaged, and we are buying a house. I wanted to have a housewarming shower in lieu of a bridal shower.
The big issue is my parents. They are both in serious relationships with other people.
Even though my mother has been with her boyfriend for a year and a half, she caused a huge scene at one of my brother’s high-school games because my father’s girlfriend showed up and this was her “mommy time.”
My fiance’s mother is pushing us to invite the “significant others” because her parents went through something similar, and she says my folks need to do this in preparation for the wedding.
I think my mom is open to the fact that his girlfriend will be at the wedding — but she refused to show up if the girlfriend attends other functions.
I’m terrified about what might happen. I’m getting lots of pressure about this. Any advice? — Anxious Bride
Dear Anxious: I agree with your future mother-in-law. Now that you are an adult, your mother doesn’t get to claim proprietary “mommy time” with you. She simply has no right to dictate who can be a guest in your home. The sooner you establish this, the better for all of you.
A smaller gathering would give your mother an opportunity to learn how to cope with being near your father.
This puts a lot of pressure on you, but you need to demonstrate to your parents that you expect them to breathe the same air for short periods.
If your mother refuses to attend your housewarming party, then there is nothing you can do about it.
Dear Amy: My parents are fairly wealthy. They have been able to afford expensive houses in enviable places, and they enjoy traveling together.
The problem is that my mother is also very cheap. Whenever she visits a store or restaurant or stays at a hotel, she constantly tries to nickel and dime her way into the lowest price or attempts to find fault with the service to receive free kickbacks.
While I understand that businesses can negotiate prices, I feel that haggling over what often amounts to only a few dollars is petty and greedy, especially when my parents certainly don’t need the discount.
Perks such as a free soda when the clerk fails to offer you the meal deal or an upgrade when a hotel doesn’t make up your room on time are intended to promote a higher level of customer service, but my mother accuses people of errors in order to demand a freebie.
It has gotten to the point that it is embarrassing to go shopping with my mom.
How can I respond to this? — Not Like My Mom
Dear Not: Tell your mother that her behavior affects your ability to enjoy yourself when you’re with her. If she does this while you’re with her, tell her, “I’ll wait outside, Mom. You can join me when you’re done haggling.”
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