Dear Amy: My wife really wants to have another baby; I do not.
We have a 7-month-old daughter, and my wife believes she shouldn’t grow up as an only child.
I love my daughter, but am happy with one child. Not that I wouldn’t love our child if we had another one, but I just believe one child is enough.
My wife says it’s unreasonable that I won’t compromise with her on this, but how can you compromise on this?
My wife gets on me about this on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis, and it always ends with her declaring that I can’t tell her no because I don’t get to control everything.
Or she insists that I need to come up with a timeline of when I might want a second child.
Then she uses a few choice words to describe me, cries all night, then tells me I don’t care about her when I don’t comfort her. Who wants to comfort someone after being verbally berated?
This is turning into a family debacle with no end in sight.
Am I being unreasonable? Is she? — Frustrated Father
Dear Father: This isn’t a question of being reasonable. From your description of your wife’s behavior, this is about being rational. You don’t say if she has always been volatile and emotional (to the extent of crying all night when she is disappointed), but I wonder if she may be suffering from postpartum depression.
While it is normal to pine for the sweet stages of a baby’s development just after they have passed through these stages, your wife runs the risk of missing her enjoyment of the next stage if she is arguing with you and crying the night away. In addition to the important question of whether to have a second baby, you must both work on your relationship dynamic: your intractability and your wife’s volatility.
A marriage counselor will not answer this question for you, but will guide and help you both to learn new ways of relating and reacting when you don’t get what you want.
Dear Amy: I have been in an intimate relationship with a man for a year. We are close to 60 years old.
The issue is that he refuses to share his cellphone number with me.
He has given me his home number. I have explained how having the cell number would be a convenience for me in communicating with him at times. He has my cell number, but he doesn’t call me using his cellphone.
He said his cell is used only for work, but later admitted that prior girlfriends, other friends and family members have this number.
He isn’t married, and I have been to his home many times.
I feel slighted and hurt that I am not included in the group of people who can call him on this phone.
I am not looking for this to be a permanent relationship, but I have wondered if I should end it because this continues to bother me.
Your opinion? — Hurting
Dear Hurting: Me no likey.
Your guy’s explanations seem to be shifting, but your options are fairly rock solid.
You can either accept that this is a less-than-completely intimate relationship — and enjoy your guy for his better points. Or you can make a choice to mosey along.
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