A few months ago, the tragic death of 71-year-old Norma Stewart from Westminster dominated the headlines. Her ex-husband Richard Stewart gunned her down at her office. Court records show that he was charged with domestic violence about a week before Stewart filed for divorce in 2008, after 45 years of marriage. She had a daughter and two grandsons. I can’t even begin to imagine the lasting impact this has had on their lives. Unfortunately, there are far too many tragedies like Norma’s that happen in our community.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We need to ask ourselves what our roles and responsibilities are as a community to stop this from happening again. Domestic violence crosses all ages, ethnicities and socio-economic statuses. Victims are your co-workers, neighbors, friends, and even family members. Awareness about domestic violence is growing, but the approach and language is still misleading. The word “dispute” is often used to describe domestic violence. A dispute is defined as a “disagreement, argument or debate.” Domestic violence is a felony or assault. Using the word “dispute” somehow gives “approval” in our society that violence is just an “argument between two partners.”
I have been committed to breaking the cycle of domestic violence for many years and currently serve as the chief executive officer of SafeHouse Denver, a domestic violence intervention agency. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” That is a complex question to answer. Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical but emotional, financial, psychological, and sexual. Teen dating violence is also growing at an alarming rate with young men using control, isolation, bullying and technology, especially in the form of texting, to abuse young women. SafeHouse Denver has intensified outreach efforts to this population, providing education on healthy relationships and early intervention services in schools and juvenile diversion programs.
The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when a victim decides to leave his/her perpetrator. Of the 90 cases involving domestic violence-related fatalities reviewed by the Denver Metro Domestic Violence Fatality Review between 1996 and 2008, 70 percent of the cases (in which data could be collected) showed a history of separation between victim and offender and 43 percent of cases involved couples who were separated at the time of the fatality. Heartbreakingly, it takes an average of seven times to leave an abusive relationship for good. Survivors of domestic violence are the bravest people I know.
A key element in helping victims live healthy, independent lives involves decreasing isolation for victims. Because perpetrators use a number of strategies to control and isolate their partners, many victims are unaware of programs and community resources available to them, such as affordable housing, job training and legal advocacy programs. Each referral, for an individual who might otherwise not have access to such support, is a stepping-stone to independence and self-sufficiency.
We are making strides – Denver as a community is way ahead of others in proactively reaching out to victims of domestic violence. SafeHouse Denver has strong and trusted collaborations with the DA’s Office, City Attorney’s Office, DPD and many others from the criminal justice system and beyond.
Domestic Violence is everyone’s business. Only together, can we support victims while also educating others about how to get involved in ending this tragic issue in our community. Here is what you can do: First, visit our website: to educate yourself about domestic violence and to learn how you can get involved. As a society, we simply must speak out against domestic violence. Silence can be, and is, deadly.
Victoria McVicker is the chief executive officer of SafeHouse Denver, which provides the full scope of services including emergency shelter, non-residential counseling and advocacy services, community education and a 24-hour crisis line 303.318.9989.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is an online-only column and has not been edited.
