Dear Amy: Do you know of any support groups for parents whose children have returned to the nest?
Our two 20-pluses have finished college and are parked in our house while they look for work. One of them is particularly difficult to live with, and we don’t have the heart to just throw him out.
I know that there are thousands of families in the same situation. My wife and I could really use the emotional support and resources that a group might provide. Do you know where we could find such a group? — Tearing Our Hair Out
Dear Tearing: The only place I can think of where you can meet other parents like you is called: Every Place.
As the parent of four young adult in-betweens, I host nightly support meetings around our kitchen table. In my kids’ case, plans for the future are forming. Work is happening — though they are learning that two part-time jobs don’t equal one full-time job.
Families with young adults at home have a lot on their plates — and I’m not just talking about those home-cooked entrees. You and your wife should convey some basic non-negotiables. The primary one should be that your offspring behave decently while they are sponging off you. They also must be working or actively looking for work.
You should also negotiate a reasonable deadline for them to move out. Also, check out .
Dear Amy: My husband received a promotion and works as the right hand to a woman a few years younger than he.
I don’t feel there is anything sexual happening, but he has become withdrawn. If I ask how his day goes, he is noncommittal. I can’t seem to have a normal conversation with him anymore, and he seems to snap at me for no reason.
He always seems to be finding something wrong with my tone or the words I choose to use. He seems to put more effort and enthusiasm into getting ready for work than anything else. I know my husband and his co-worker text regularly. I looked through these texts recently. They talk about their favorite things — foods and music, etc.
Am I just paranoid? I’ve tried bringing this up to him, and he gets defensive and dismisses it as if it is just unthinkable. At any work function I’ve been to, she seems to avoid me. Should I try to meet her myself at his work? Do I just leave it be? — Worried
Dear Worried: Get on this. Get on it, and stay on it. Your husband is exhibiting the classic signs of developing a “work/spouse” thing: communicating privately with his co-worker about personal things, finding fault with your every move and getting defensive when you try to talk about it.
I read a great quote recently: “Infidelity doesn’t start the first time your partner sleeps with someone else; it begins when your partner becomes closer to someone else than to you.”
Confront your husband calmly and directly. It might not be your style to show up at your husband’s office to take him out for lunch, but I think you should consider a very low-key drop by to see him, meet his colleague and bring this issue into the light.
A counselor will help you sort this out; if your husband won’t go with you, go by yourself.
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