Please walk away, slowly, from this steaming pile of a film. (Provided by Paramount Pictures)
The terrible-movie experts over at RiffTrax have released their of the Worst Movies of 2014, and our nerd bloggers here are having a hard time disagreeing with them.
That said, there were more than enough atrocious filmic miscarriages in 2014 to go around, so without further ado, here’s our very own list of the Worst Movies of 2014.
What were yours? Vote in our poll at the end of the post!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
RiffTrax was right: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was pretty bad. If you were a fan of the comic book or TV show of the ’80s or early ’90s, Michael Bay ruined another fond childhood memory. The storyline was drastically changed. Also, I don’t remember April O’Neil being sexually harassed by one of the turtles. pretty much nailed it. –Korene Gallegos
“Sin City: A Dame to Kill For”
I wasn’t a big fan of the first “Sin City” film, but it wasn’t horrible. “300” was such a wonderful adaptation of a Frank Miller work that the initial “Sin City” just came up as flat and, ahem, colorless by comparison. But this movie — not sure calling it a sequel is accurate — is the worst gob of dreck I’ve seen in a theater since “The Spirit.” No surprise there. Frank, please step away from the director’s chair and pick up a pen. The world of comics needs you. The world of cinema doesn’t. –George Tanner
“Captain America: The Winter Soldier”
You know when critics and bloggers complain about soulless, mindless, fundamentally dude-centric action sequels that insult women, reverse all the good will their forbears carefully built, and waste top-notch special effects? That’s me, doing that right now about this irritating, very un-Marvel-like piece of dung. –John Wenzel
“The Purge: Anarchy”
It’s not infrequently that a sequel fails to reach the bar its predecessor set, but this bar was low enough that a miss almost has to simply be a wild pitch. No such luck. While the skeptic in me can see “The Purge” as a character study set in a compelling circumstance, the sequel is really just a gratuitous-violence-as-plot-point snoozer. I couldn’t even remotely identify with any of the characters — I just didn’t care. If the entire cast had just been annihilated 20 minutes in, I would’ve happily shut it off to go do something more fun — like slamming my thumb in the refrigerator door. –Daniel J. Schneider
“The Expendables 3”
Yes, I paid money to go see the macho-overload flick with a die-hard fan/friend. With the previous two Expendables, you got what you paid for with explosions, campy jokes and a hero saving the day. The third sequel re-did the same formula but with new recruits. This time the jokes were tired as well as the storyline. The movie theater crowd offered more sighs than laughs. –Korene Gallegos
“Interstellar”
OK, so maybe this wasn’t one of the absolute WORST of the year, but it was still a huge disappointment. I wanted to like this movie so so badly, for myriad reasons. The special effects were great, and the concept was intriguing. But the ham-fisted performances, cliche-ridden script and overall feeling that we’ve been here, done this, ultimately made it one of the biggest clunkers of my year after what seemed like an eternal, hype-driven build-up. Neither poignant nor enlightening, Christopher Nolan’s disjointed indulgence was a bag of attractive leftovers that tried to pass itself off as something fresh. –John Wenzel
“Airplane vs. Volcano”
It seemed like a , but it definitely deserves to be on this list. With the success of “Sharknado,” production companies are trying to jump on the schlocky bandwagon. This one fails, and not in a good way. But hey! At least, Dean Cain and Robin Givens got a job out of it. –Korene Gallegos
“Tammy”
I guess I just didn’t get it. I laughed a few times, but never very deeply. At times I felt like it was trying to parody goofy, low-budget early-’80s comedies, and at times I felt it was sincerely trying to be fresh and mix chuckles with choke-ups as it weaved back and forth through absurd slapstick and hammy drama. It felt contrived and cheap most of the time, and was almost totally forgettable. –Daniel J. Schneider
“The Giver”
A superb young adult novel that deserves a far better screen treatment than it got. The holes here are all about the script. The acting and cinematography were strong and I enjoyed those aspects of the film. The story, though, fell flat in spectacular fashion through the oversimplification of the tale’s universe and plot in the film translation. So much detail was lost, in fact, that the “finished” product felt anything but. I was left desperately wanting to understand “Why?” Not just why something, or why another thing, but why anything? It quickly took up residence high on the “All-Time Worst Film Adaptations of Books” list. –Daniel J. Schneider
“Anchorman 2”
A promising few minutes up top does nothing to save this slow-mo plane crash of a comedy, which interchangeably presents jokes the way its slick, dye-job leads deliver them on camera. This also, depressingly, forced us to confront the idea that Adam McKay’s best directorial effort (the original “Anchorman”) was a fluke and that all his other mistakes (“Talladega Nights,” “Step Brothers,” etc.) are exactly where his true filmmaking style exists. –John Wenzel
Wild cards and honorable mentions
“Annabelle”
As a fan of horror movies, I couldn’t wait for the follow-up to “The Conjuring.” The possessed doll should trump a haunted house, right? Sadly, no. For me, it was a lot of running and staring at the doll, and the doll didn’t even blink. Check out scenes from the movie and see for yourself with our ! (Yes, I’m plugging this.) –Korene Gallegos
“Burt’s Buzz”
OK, so this was released in 2013, but it was new to Netflix this year, and I couldn’t resist the chance to slam it. I was physically angry at this documentary while watching it. Free of context, commentary or purpose, it patronized its otherwise humble subject (Burt Shavitz, the founder of the Burt’s Bees brand) with such relentless yuppie judgment that I couldn’t even finish watching it. A disheartening waste of time on an otherwise cool topic. –John Wenzel
“The Interview”
Up there with “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” this is another of our modern comedies that uses a thin plot and overly-drawn-out jokes to extend an idea that probably started on a bar napkin into a feature film, and which maybe should’ve just stuck with the napkin. Why it’s just an honorable mention is entirely to do with the fact that I did get some full-belly laughs here, even though there were some groaners and an above-average cringe count. I felt a little bit patriotic watching it on Christmas Eve, too, and I don’t regret it. If you saw “This Is the End” and didn’t have the urge to smother yourself with a couch cushion, you’ll probably enjoy “The Interview,” too. –Daniel J. Schneider
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Worst Movie of 2014
