Q: I have a Caucasian friend who is extremely tight with her tips. She knows that I and others in our party will tip well and therefore tips even less. It’s sometimes embarrassing, but we’ve been friends for 26 years and it’s something that I’ve just come to expect.
She’ll use any excuse to justify a small tip – including, “He didn’t bring the tortillas and butter in time.” (Frankly, she doesn’t need the tortillas and butter!) She’s one of my best friends, but how do I tell her? I’ve assumed it’s just how we were brought up.
Catherine: The best way to approach an issue like this is humor. Next time you pay, say something light to let her know you notice her nonexistent tips. It would benefit you both to tell her to be more gracious.
At the same time, this is hardly an issue to end a friendship over. If she doesn’t want to leave a tip, then let her be. Tips are in fact something extra, not necessary. Simply be honest and then let it go.
Danny: It’s simple. Friends don’t let friends be codos and eat tortillas with butter when they don’t really need them. Catherine’s advice would be an easy way to mention it, forget it and let it go for another 26 years.
I say you confront this tortilla-eating el cheapo and fix it for good.
Forget about the Caucasian part of it. Being cheap knows no racial or ethnic boundaries. Be frank with the tortilla lover about tipping etiquette, and let her know what is expected of her from you and your circle of friends.
Tiered tipping is certainly OK based on the service level, but it is never OK not to leave a tip. Ask her flat out why she does this and fill her in on how you and the others have had to compensate. If she is on a budget, let her know you are willing to accommodate this instead of compensating for the tipping. And throw in the thing about tortillas and butter going right to your thighs.
Lily: This situation is definitely more noteworthy than Cat’s making it out to be, but let’s not attack the thighs – OK, Danny?
You do need to talk to your friend. Try talking to her away from the table – like on the car ride home. Don’t confront her a la Danny because by putting her on the spot you might just be perpetuating her Chilanga style of tipping. ( No se enojen mis queridisimos de la Cuidad de Mexico porque ustedes dicen lo mismo de los de Monterrey!)
When you do talk to her, be very frank and tell her how her tipping makes you feel. Remind her that many service workers make less than minimum wage and depend on tips for most of their income.
For her sake, tell her that news of a bad tipper gets around the restaurant. If she is a frequent customer at that restaurant, she might get a disgruntled waiter and less-than-perfect service. Ask her, what if SHE were on the receiving end of that quarter tip?
Glossary
codos: tightwads
Chilanga: slang for woman from Mexico City
No se enojen mis queridisimos de la Cuidad de Mexico porque ustedes dicen lo mismo de los de Monterrey: My dear ones from Mexico City, don’t get mad because you say the same about those from Monterrey
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, c/o Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202. Visit Lily, Catherine and Danny online at DallasNews.com/consejos.
