Q: Dear Scott,
Here’s my situation. I’ve been dating this man for four months. Things
got pretty serious very quickly… everything was great until about a month
ago.
Baggage that should have been dealt with years ago is finally
unpacking itself (big time). I am 100% in support of his dealing with these
issues, and am trying very hard to give him the time and space needed — even
though it is hard for me to understand why he wants to do this all alone.
We decided, a week ago, to stop seeing each other (his decision, not mine).
However, we parted with hugs and kisses, and his asking me to “stand down”
for a while. He said he didn’t want me totally out of his life. I have
struggled with not being able to see him, I will admit.
Each night I have
sent a text message saying goodnight, but have not expected anything back.
He has at times responded, but nothing of real significance.
So, to my point — last night we had a very long banter back and forth
through text messaging.
I tried to call at one point, but there was no
answer.
The messages just got worse and worse, including to the point that
he said he was with someone else now and had been for a while.
Scott, my
heart was hurting before all this, and was shattered last night by these
words. I told him I was in shock because I had trusted him so much.
Eventually, he came back with “I love you” — which I thought was just
putting salt in wounds. I later e-mailed him, telling him how slimed I felt
and asking him to mail me a few things so we could be done.
This morning, I received an e-mail response saying those text messages were
sent by his “best friend” last night. This is the third time this “friend”
has done something like this to me, only this was the ultimate in cruelity.
My boyfriend (or rather ex-boyfriend) and I are supposed to talk tonight,
but I am so beside myself. I feel so humiliated — and angry. I don’t know
what I ever did to the “friend” to make him do these things.
I know I love my guy with all I am — which seems odd after such a short
time of dating. I know he is a good person. I know that.
But this “friend” of his, whom he considers like a brother, is cruel beyond reason.
How can I get through all this, knowing that this relationship is probably
over (as it should be, even though I don’t want it to be)? And how can I
get over loving this man??
Signed:
– Slimed and very sad
SCOTT: How much longer do you think you should wait to see how many different ways
Mr. Textmessager will jerk you around? I don’t care what his baggage is — it
shouldn’t affect how he treats a woman, yet, it does.
If he really knew how
to take a relationship seriously, he would never allow his so called “best
friend” take control of his cell phone and send those disturbing messages to you. Whatever that’s all about.
I wonder how you could think you love someone who treats you this way. Not
only do you deserve better, you need better and that’s a good way to think
about it since the odds of this working out — simply put — suck.
Detach
yourself from him completely and surround yourself with emotionally
supportive friends who know how to treat you and stay busy with activities
that don’t involve or remind you of him.
The longer you go without this negativity in your life, the better things
will be, so get yourself on the right track right now and cut the cord. For
good.