Q: Hi Scott!
How is your exciting life going?
Anyway, you want a dilemma? I think I have another one for you to solve.
I have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for almost three years now. Unfortunately, the last two years have been long distance. We visit each other as much as we can afford.
While he was here, our relationship was amazing! We were so happy and inseparable, and everyone always mentioned what a great couple we were.
The plans we made were to be together in the far future, which I know would have worked out perfectly eventually since it was
pretty much impossible for us to be together with college and work at the time.
We were so confident in our future together, but something within the last six months has felt very different. We have gone from what seemed like the perfect relationship, to one with constant arguing over every little thing and a loss of respect for each other.
Now, the distance seems like a cancer that we can’t control. We are still in love with each other very much, but the distance is killing everything good we have ever had.
We have tried separating and neither of us seems to fully want to let go.
I don’t know what to do, and it’s almost as if we are trapped. I now understand that phrase, “There’s a thin line between love and hate.” We talk to each other every day, and he has been a part of my everyday life for so long.
What should I do Scott? If you don’t think it’s healthy for this relationship to continue, then how do I keep myself going? I don’t have any friends or family that i’ve ever been really close to so he has always been that person to just be there for me (and vice versa).
I don’t know how to break away without going into a deep black hole. Please help!
Thank you so much!
SCOTT: With $450 and the help of a lawyer, I just got myself out of a major speeding ticket, but thanks for asking about my life. The excitement continues!
All right, now onto the dilemma.
I can’t say where things took a turn, but it could be that stressful distance or “cancer” as you put it because, to quote
a profound saying, “Long distance relationships (LDRs) suck!”
When things were perfect and you were making plans for the future, did you ever state where those plans would take place? I know it’s easy for me to say this, but why doesn’t one of you pick up and move to be with the other?
Is this not possible? Never?
If not, then I don’t see how a long-term relationship is possible. It won’t work. You can’t measure what you can’t see.
Neither one of you is the “bad guy”; you’re both in a relationship that’s even more stressful than my whole speeding ticket fiasco. But the relationship stands a far better chance of succeeding together rather than apart. If you can’t be together, then put yourselves out your misery and break it off until you can figure out a way for one of you to move to be with the other.
How do you keep yourself going? Easy: imagine people who are far less fortunate than you and you’ll figure it out.
You carry on because you have to. Look at me for example: I’m still driving.