Q: Scott,
I have a situation which I am sure is common, but one which I do not know how to handle.
I have been with a wonderful man for about a year and a half. Everything has been great and I am positive that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I would like to discuss marriage with him, but am unsure how to approach the topic without coming across as putting pressure on him.
I don’t need to get married immediately, but I know he can be shy with making the first move and I want to let him know that I love him, I do want to get married, and that we don’t have to wait until I am out of school (I just started a 3 year graduate program in the fall and think he may be under the impression that I want to wait until I graduate).
Is there a non-pressure way I can bring up this topic, or do I have to simply wait patiently until gets up the nerve to ask me or just take the plunge and ask him myself (which is something I would rather not do)? Thanks!
– Waiting and Wondering in Denver
SCOTT: You finally found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Congratulations! There’s nothing more exciting than that. And it seems like he’s right there with you as far as readiness to commit is concerned but now we just have to figure where he’s at with the marriage topic.
How do we do that?
I take it you’re not the type to casually take a bit out of a sandwich and say (as if it had just occurred to you), “Mm, so, when we gettin’ hitched?” Yeah, that’s not very subtle.
And leaving stacks of Modern Bride magazine lying around is too obvious. So maybe you’d be best off backing down and waiting a bit longer for him to make the move.
There really aren’t many ways you can drop a marriage hint without it seeming like a marriage hint, which would no doubt appear too well planned not to mention put him on the spot. Then the pressure would be on and the whole thing could turn out disastrous.
What’s the rush anyway? You’ve finally met the one and you have all the time in the world to be together.
He might be shy, but he’ll make the move when he’s ready and that’s when you’ll know. In the meantime, the best way to show him you’re ready is by continuing to build on your solid relationship.
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Thanks!
– Scott