Q: I’m writing because I would like to be a better father to my 5-year-old son. His mother is terrific with him. I think my problem is I didn’t have a father growing up, so it is difficult to know how to contribute to his needs. I would like to get some parenting skills so I can show my son support through life.
– E.M.
A: You have the most important quality, which is the desire to be a loving and supportive father. When your heart is full of love and you want to be a good father any activity you share with your son will show caring support for him. Ease your mind about doing the “right” thing and just enjoy spending time with him.
Children thrive on attention from a parent. Listen to him and repeat the things he tells you to show you understand. Read books together. Reading aloud builds a child’s vocabulary and language comprehension.
Play together. Build with blocks, Legos, and mud. Find interesting rocks, leaves, bugs, and show him how to compare size and color.
Talking with other parents about effective ways to work with children can be helpful. Ask about father-son programs. Check your local library for books on being a father. Not having a father in your life is a great loss but your enthusiasm and love will lead you along the way.
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Q: My 15-year-old daughter has met a boy she likes and they have begun to spend time together. This is causing a lot of conflict in our family. She is a good student and helps with chores and has always been very reliable. Her new friend is a polite, shy 17-year-old. He comes to the house to see her. At first we said she could see him once a week. She said we were ruining her life.
The worst problem is when he comes over they often go to her room. She says they just like to talk. Her dad and I are not sure what rules to make. Whenever I object to their spending time in her room she says they are not into “that sort of thing.” Please help.
– M.M.
A: Tell your daughter that her bedroom is not a place to entertain her friend and is off-limits for his visits. Let her friend know that you welcome him into your home but you do not allow male visitors in her bedroom. With this understanding allow him to visit more than once a week.
Even if she believes they are not into “that sort of thing,” you can rely on nature to promote reproduction. Talk with your daughter about her responsibility to take charge of nature’s plan and to ensure that her own goals prevail. Make sure she is aware of the process of conception.
Invite her friend to spend time with the family. Getting to know him and his personal values will help you evaluate their time together and help him feel bound by the family rules.
Write Cathleen Brown care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202 or CABrown500@yahoo.com.
