Dear Amy: My fiancé and I have been together for three years.
Last week he got drunk and called his ex-wife – the mother of his two children – and told her how much he still cares for her. She has been remarried for two years; she and my fiancé have been divorced for five years. He has also told her about embarrassing drunken moments that I have had. I don’t think he should say bad things about me as her children are in my house four nights a week. That makes her think negatively of me, which affects the kids.
He is great to my kids and me, but I don’t know what to think about this. It is really bothering me, and I am having second thoughts about marrying him. I am attached to his kids, and my kids love him. He says he was drunk and that something like this would never happen again, but I don’t know if he was drunk when he told her the stories about me being drunk.
– Worried
Dear Worried: When you tell a story about a relationship and use the words drunk or drunken five times, then I get to sidestep your question and tell you that you have a drinking problem. How do I know that you have a drinking problem? Because your drinking (and his) causes problems, that’s how.
You do embarrassing things when you’re drunk. Your fiancé shows bad judgment when he’s drunk. Can I point out that you both have children to think about? Your behavior affects them – your situation being an embarrassing case in point. You and your guy would do better to commit to some much needed premarital counseling and Alcoholics Anonymous.
…
Dear Amy: I haven’t had a lot of luck on the dating scene since my divorce last January. My gripe is with first dates that seem to go so well, with my date being funny, complimentary and affectionate. Several times I’ve had an experience with my date expressing interest in seeing me again, only to have him vanish afterward.
I used to follow up with a phone call or e-mail the next day, but I’m tired of not getting a reply. So now if I don’t hear from the guy, I don’t contact him and move on. I’m trying so hard not to become jaded – to remind myself that the dating scene requires tough skin. I’m a great mom, a volunteer in the community, successful in my career, fun and nice. I am also told that I’m very attractive. So what’s not to love?
– Date Weary
Dear Weary: I’m going to assume that you’re meeting people at online dating sites. If so, then your experience reveals the downside to being matched with people in cyberspace.
It is so easy to “click through” people online, that men and women develop this mentality in actual life. Everybody is looking for a “connection.” And connections, it is commonly thought, happen quickly or they don’t happen at all.
Continue to get out there and be your charming and confident self.
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