Dear Amy: I’m a 17-year-old girl and always have been told I act older than my age. I’m heavily involved with church. My parents work for the church, and our lives revolve around it.
I’m generally an honors student; I’m in band, choir and the symphony orchestra at school.
I like this guy at church. He’s funny, sweet, caring – and 18 years older than me.
We’re about as perfect for each other as we could be, but there is this distinct age gap.
People make jokes about us getting married. We say things at the same time, understand each other and talk all the time. I’m not sure I want anything to happen. He is a youth adviser for our district, and I’m pretty sure that’s off-limits. I’m not sure what to do. Is 18 years just too much? Am I crazy, as a high school student, to consider this man who has two master’s degrees and who works with my mom (and who is old enough to be my father)? Should I just wait out these jailbait years and see how things go when I’m out of college?
– Generation Why
Dear Why: Any romantic or sexual relationship between the two of you would be completely inappropriate, not to mention grounds for his immediate dismissal or possible jail time.
Because you use the phrase “jailbait” I have to assume that you know what this means. The fact that this man is a youth adviser makes him perpetually off limits to you and anyone else remotely in your age group.
This man should not spend any time privately with you. He needs to draw very clear boundaries between himself and the young people in this ministry.
It is not uncommon at your age to have crushes on fabulous guys many years your senior. But you and this man are not “perfect for each other.”
Because you are close to your parents and because they know him well, you should talk to them about this – though it’s a shame that they have missed the signs of your crush and haven’t already taken steps to educate you and intervene.
…
Dear Amy: I am a high school senior and work 25 hours a week as a hostess in a restaurant. I started out getting paid $8.50 an hour but after three months I got a raise to $8.75. We’re not supposed to discuss our salaries, but tonight one of the servers mentioned to me and another host that the new hostess “Andie” gets paid $10. Andie is the same age as the other hostess and me.
The server who provided this information says that the reason Andie gets paid more is because she requested that amount when she was hired. I only requested $8.
This seems entirely unfair, as Andie has no experience.
I want to say something to my manager, but if I do, then he will know that we discussed our salaries.
I’m a very passive person, and I don’t want to assert myself and ask for another raise.
Should I just be happy getting paid less or find a new job?
– Working Hard in Virginia
Dear Working: In the business world, you tend to get exactly what you ask for, if you are desirable. This is why employers don’t want employees to share their salaries with one another. It’s in your employer’s interests to keep employees silent in terms of their salaries – for exactly the reasons you cite.
Employers tend to respect counteroffers, however. If you can assert yourself enough to get a solid job offer at another restaurant for a $10/hour wage, you can take this back to your manager. If your manager feels that you are worth $10/hour at your current position, then you will get it.
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