Dear Amy: This is in response to the letter you received from “Middle Sister.” I felt great sorrow for the two sisters who had a blowout and have not spoken since.
I just lost my sister in June to cancer. She was only 59 and died a lingering death. And we, too, had our differences throughout our lives, but we always managed to patch them up.
In reference to their spending Thanksgiving together with the rest of the family – I implore them to put their differences aside and spend as much time together as they can.
I miss my sister more than I ever thought possible. And I would give anything to spend just one more holiday with her. You just don’t know the importance of a sister until you lose one.
I did not invite my sister for Christmas last year because I felt that my house was too small for her family, along with my extended family, but my husband invited her without my knowing, and I am so glad. That was to be our last Christmas together.
– Longing for My Sister
Dear Longing: The holidays are so loaded with memories and emotion.
Sometimes the holidays are not the right time to try to completely fix relationships, and families have to settle for just “getting along.” My advice to “Middle Sister’s” family was to settle for getting together and trying to get along – because some issues are too large and complex to deal with quickly and on a holiday timetable.
My sympathies to you and your family for your loss.
…
Dear Amy: I am a 40-something woman, and I recently purchased a pair of pants. These pants cost about $30 and are casual and comfortable. There is nothing really distinctive about them, but they fit me really well.
Recently, I got together with an old friend who I see probably once a month for coffee or lunch. She remarked that she liked the pants. I thanked her. She then asked where I had purchased them.
I was a bit taken aback – I really didn’t want to say where I had gotten them.
While I don’t see her all the time, I like my look, which isn’t always the most original but is tailored and fits my style. I’d rather not see her or another friend walking around in my outfit! I mumbled about it maybe being a local department store. A while later, she asked me again where I had purchased them. Feeling pressured, I told her the store. She then went on to ask what brand they were! I said I didn’t know. Then the subject dropped.
Do you think it was appropriate for her to ask me this question? Was I rude not to just tell her about them?
– Trying to Be Original
Dear Trying: My feeling is that the closer a friend is, the more access she may have to your clothing labels. Intimate friends often trade such information. I agree that it’s rude to ask people you don’t know well where they got a particular article of clothing, though some women cheerfully pick up on someone else’s interest and volunteer where they bought something and how much it cost.
However, wearing the same brand of pants that you wear does not mean that someone is stealing your style.
On the other hand, your friend should have sensed that you didn’t want to give her this particular bit of information.
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