Judging by the crowds, Elway’s Colorado Steakhouse is doing nothing wrong. The place is packed and happening, seven days a week. These guys know how to operate a successful restaurant, and their fans are many and rabid.
But Elway’s, particularly on Friday and Saturday nights, is not for the faint of heart.
Making an analogy to a football game seems too obvious, but what the hizz: The bar at Elway’s is like a scrimmage-line pileup, only the players trying to take you out aren’t top-heavy 300-pound linemen in cleats, they’re top-heavy size-4 blonds in stilettos.
I leave it to you to decide which is the more fearsome foe.
Forget getting a seat at the bar. Just shout your martini order across the crowd and hope it’s heard over the piano player, who’s covering a Hall & Oates tune.
Once you do score a martini, however, you’ll be relieved to find it icy and expertly mixed.
Sip it slow, because it’ll be a while. Here’s how my most recent visit went: Our reservation was for 8:30 p.m. We sat down around 9:15. They explained the delay with a deadpan: “We still have three tables to seat before you.”
And they didn’t offer to buy us a drink.
Good thing there was so much to watch while we waited: The aforementioned blonds and their admirers, feverishly executing their complex (and loud) courtship rituals.
I felt like Jane Goodall on a far-flung anthropological mission. I kept my hands and feet to myself and made no sudden moves, agog in wide-eyed wonder.
My scene? Nope. But they’re having a blast, so hats off to Mr. Elway and Company for giving the people what they want.
Once you’re seated, you’ll be greeted enthusiastically by your server, or servers (they often work in teams here), with a sports-bar-style, “Hey! You all doing all right tonight?”
Casual? That would be an understatement. Evening service at Elway’s, while efficient and comprehensive, is much too familiar for these prices. (A three-course dinner for four with wine can easily top $400.)
At a C-note per head, this is no place for comments like, “Bear with me. We’re slammed. It’s the holidays.”
But you’ll bear with them and peruse the menu, which is 80 percent classic steakhouse (filets, ribeyes, shrimp cocktails, sautéed mushrooms, cheesecake) and 20 percent nouveau steakhouse (duck tacos, charred red pepper soup, Thai chicken salad).
The food outshines the service, but is not as excellent as Tyler Wiard is capable of (or as inventive as what he did back in his days at the stove at Mel’s). I suspect that while the suits behind the joint allow Wiard to jockey with the menu a bit, the fact that this is a steakhouse means he’s on a fairly short leash.
Flashes of inventiveness spot the appetizers menu, which included a surprisingly satisfying “lamb fondue,” three succulent lamb rib chops served with a green chile cheese dipping sauce, kept warm in a small cauldron over a flame.
Also flaming, in another way, was the shrimp cocktail, three huge (and delicious) shrimps perched over a pewter vessel over dry ice. The dry-ice mist rose up over the shrimp, creating a miniature Vegas-like diorama. I half-expected to see a teeny little Cher rise up out of the middle, crooning “Do You Believe in Life After Love?”
Do try the generous tuna tartare, but don’t be suckered into the stone crab claws, which were expensive ($24 for 1/2 pound) and overcooked. Save your stone crab cash and buy yourself a ticket to the Keys.
Instead, wrestle with the hard-to-eat but rewarding iceberg wedge.
Happiness is a bone-in ribeye, and Elway’s serves an excellent 22-ouncer, well-cut and perfectly cooked. Likewise the bone-in New York Strip, slightly smaller (at 18 ounces) but no less flavorful or resplendent on the plate.
If you’re a filet freak, go for the smaller cuts; the bone-in version struggled with stringiness. (For a far better bone-in filet, head up the street to Ocean on Second Avenue.)
Or think outside the steak and choose the meaty, juicy double-cut pork chop, which was far too big for one meal but made for excellent leftovers. (Ask for pearl onion jam on the side.)
Side dishes included fries (first-rate), sautéed mushrooms (woodsy and soft) and a twice-baked potato (creamy and hot).
Dessert? Servers and regular patrons swear by the house-made “Classic Ding-Dong,” which apes the Hostess original right down to the foil wrapper. I found the cake inside dry and flavorless.
The gargantuan individual cheesecakes, however, were tangy and nicely crusted. The warm chocolate cookies were comforting and, as promised, warm.
Skip the “Do-It-Yourself ‘Smores,” a plate of graham crackers, marshmallows, chocolate sauce and a little fire to D.I.Y. over. It’s an accident waiting to happen, especially after a couple of martinis. Besides, for $8.50, I think someone should make my ‘smore for me.
Elway’s wine list is appropriately large, red, and, in line with the rest of the menu, expensive. There are a few hundred bottles in the cellar, but only a handful are under $40. High rollers will be happy to find a 1989 Chateau Haut-Brion Bourdeaux for $1,100.
If only I were a high roller.
In stark contrast to the dinner hour at Elway’s is lunch, when the place feels refined, classy and serene. The signature burger, served simply with shredded lettuce, tomato, and pickle, is a treat. Have it with a savory, spicy bowl of roasted corn and chicken chowder, or a small Caesar salad.
When you visit Elway’s for lunch, wear your loafers and cross your legs under the table while you languish over an entirely agreeable meal. You’ll pay for it (plan on spending $40 or more for three courses) but you’ll have a pleasant time.
But if you come for dinner, be prepared. Wear your pads and helmet and lock your arms on your way in the door. You’ll need to be on the defense if you hope to come out of the experience unscarred.
And plan on having a nightcap when you get home. Your nerves will appreciate it.
Dining critic Tucker Shaw can be reached at 303-954-1958 or dining@denverpost.com.
More online: Find an archive of Tucker Shaw’s dining reviews. denverpost.com/restaurants
