Dear Amy: I have a truly wonderful friend who would do anything for a friend in need. She is a highly intelligent, generous, dedicated employee. She is kind and funny. She is a big woman – a tall, full-figured redhead.
The problem, however, is her manner of dress. She prefers bright colors, sometimes loud, often a little outlandish, but always a size or two too small.
A new sweater will show her bra line from the back, pants will show panty lines. My friend often expresses pride in the small size she is able to wear. This look of “painted-on clothing” adds pounds to her appearance and causes her to look less professional.
I believe it affects how other people see her – especially her employer.
We’ve been friends for many years, and I’ve tried subtle approaches to no avail.
When we have shopped together, I have told her that an item looks too small and that she should try the larger size.
I have bought her clothing in an appropriate size for her birthday or Christmas, but she goes back to wearing the things that are skintight.
Most of the time I can ignore this one minor flaw, but I have to admit to being embarrassed for her in some situations.
– Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed: One time I heard Dolly Parton say something to the effect of, “I’m tacky and sparkly, and I love it.” I’d rather be around someone who is kind, funny and loves the way she looks in her painted-on clothes than someone who is dressed “appropriately” and suffering from her own self-scrutiny. Obviously, the two aren’t mutually exclusive, but you have done such a good job of pointing out your friend’s wonderful qualities that I’ll go out on a limb and suggest that you should love her just as she is.
…
Dear Amy: My wife and I have a difference of opinion that perhaps you can help resolve by telling us which is more socially correct.
Recently, my stepson-in-law reached his 40th birthday, and my wife’s daughter asked us to contribute $200 toward the cost of a limo for him (it was related to a party she was having with friends, not relatives).
I wrote the check from our joint checking account and gave the check and a birthday card to my stepdaughter-in-law in person at their house.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have a good relationship with this couple.
My stepdaughter shared with her husband what we had done, and he sent us a written thank-you note (not usually his style). I told my wife that it was nice that he took the time to write a note. However, the envelope and card were addressed to my wife (as her name, not as Mom), but my name was not included.
I told my wife that it should have been addressed to the two of us. She said that I was making an issue out of nothing.
She believes that I should have assumed it was directed to both of us.
– Confused
Dear Confused: Both you and your wife should be thanked for a gift that is from the two of you.
You aren’t making an issue out of nothing. You are, however, making an issue out of a fairly small thing. Your wife should thank her son-in-law for the acknowledgment of the gift and make sure that he realizes that it was from both of you.
…
Dear Amy: I don’t understand why 40-, 50-, 60-year- olds and older call their friends “girlfriend” and “boyfriend.” That’s high school talk.
– Sharon
Dear Sharon: If we middle- age, and older, people don’t refer to our friends (certainly our romantic ones) as “girlfriends” and “boyfriends,” then how should we refer to them?
I’d love to hear from readers about this.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
