Dear Amy: I am the mother of a 14-year-old girl. She has always looked up to me. I’ve stressed to her the importance of being strong and independent.
A couple of weeks ago, with my husband gone on a short business trip, my daughter and I went to the mall, and upon arriving home walked in on someone burglarizing our house.
My daughter shoved the man, and even though it was two-against-one, he was big and appeared ready to pummel her, so I went into protective mode, telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
He gagged and bound us hand and foot and left us on the floor. My husband came back from his trip at around 3 a.m. and found us.
My daughter didn’t even shed a tear. Afterwards, however, it became apparent she felt we should have fought, and that my lectures on strength and independence were just hot air. I’ve lost much of her confidence and I know that at age 14 I would have felt exactly as she does. The fact that the police complimented me in front of her had little effect.
– Tied Up
Dear Tied Up: Your daughter’s anger is natural, and she is pointing it toward the only person that 14-year-old girls know to blame for anything (including how their hair looks and the barometric pressure) – Mom.
You and your daughter are proof that you did the right thing in this situation. How do you know this? You’re still here.
You should both see a therapist to work through this. You have been victims of a serious crime. You did the right thing. The police can tell you, and I can repeat it, but you (and she) must find a way to believe it.
…
Dear Amy: Readers have been sounding off with their restaurant “pet peeves.” I’ll add mine. On cruise ships I quickly tire of ship staff who ask, “Would you like a drink, sir?” every 50 feet when I’m walking.
I once made a cardboard sign that I tied around my neck, which read, “NO, I DO NOT WANT A DRINK.” That seemed to do the trick, and got a lot of chuckles. I have since had professional tags made and am anxious to try them out on our next cruise.
– Ed
Dear Ed: I love this. Could you make up a tag for me that reads, “Yes, I desperately want a drink”? Might be fun at the office.
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