Dear Amy: After 20 years, my college roommate and I are still very good friends. We live near each other and talk on the phone almost daily. We try to see each other often, but it can be hard given our responsibilities at work and home. We have seven young kids between us.
Yesterday, I saw her 9-year-old daughter and was shocked at how heavy she had gotten.
Over the last year, I noticed that she had been putting on weight, but I have to say that this time I was truly concerned for her health.
My husband, who is very nonjudgmental and loves this family, was equally concerned. We both wondered if our friend had noticed her daughter’s growth or if her daughter had seen a doctor.
I have battled a weight problem my entire life, and I know how discouraging it can be on all sorts of levels. I am still overweight, but I constantly work on it. My friend, who was skinny in college, would be described now as a healthy weight.
How do I bring up this topic with my friend in a supportive manner? My gut (no pun intended) tells me that my friend notices the problem but is not dealing with it. I worry for her daughter.
– Gutless in Md.
Dear Gutless: Girls sometimes pack on weight during pre-adolescence, just before puberty sets in and their final growth spurt takes them to their adult height.
If this child is obese, then – trust me – the girl and her parents know it. It is virtually impossible to be a young girl (or parents of a young girl) these days and not be conscious of her shape and size.
If you feel the need to discuss this with your friend, you should only do so privately and in a way that offers open-ended support. You could say, “I noticed that Lilly has put on weight. Is she doing OK? You know that I wrestle with this every day and I really know what it’s like.” Do not speak to the child about this or bring this up in her presence.
I still remember being a chubby 8-year-old when someone “helpfully” pointed out the obvious to my mother – in front of me.
My mother looked over at me and said, “Oh, she’s fine – just the way she is.” Good answer.
…
Dear Amy: You have published letters and advice about how couples share their household money responsibilities.
My wife and I have separate bank accounts, a household account and a money-market account.
When we receive any money, we put 50 percent into the household account (for food, mortgage payment, utilities, etc.) and 25 percent into the money-market account. That account makes interest, which we then put into the household account.
Anything that is left is ours to spend as we please.
– Jere
Dear Jere: This sounds equitable – each person contributing 75 percent of his or her income proportionally for mutual purposes.
I’m happy to share how families manage their money – other families will benefit from these ideas.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
