Dear Amy: I’m in my early 50s, recently divorced after 26 years. After all this time, I feel as if I’ve just discovered sex.
As far as I’m concerned, the only good thing about my sex life when I was married was that it resulted in three beautiful children. Now, I’m enjoying physical relationships for the first time in my life. In fact, I’m in sexual relationships with two men. They don’t know about each other, and we’re safe and responsible.
The problem – if it is one – is that although I like these men and enjoy their company, I don’t really want anything more from them than companionship and sex. Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with these relationships? Should I be looking for a serious relationship and another “lifelong” partner? I don’t really want one.
Am I just looking for approval for doing what I want to do anyway? Am I treating these men unfairly?
– Sowing My Oats Late in Life
Dear Sowing: If you are looking for my permission to enjoy your sexual life, then you have it. There is no need for you to look for a serious relationship if you don’t want one.
But you should not carry on two relationships simultaneously without notifying your partners.
…
Dear Amy: Recently I traveled several states away to help a friend from college. She has a rare cancer that is being aggressively treated; her husband has not worked in a year, and they can’t afford child care. I spent a week taking care of her children and house while she went to the hospital for chemo and radiation treatments with her husband.
Since I got back home, she has not replied to my e-mails. However, she sent a mass e-mail yesterday announcing that they have gotten a new standard poodle! How does a person who’s incredibly ill take care of a puppy? And where did they get the money for that? She has never been really supportive of me. She doesn’t get in touch unless she needs something. While I was going through infertility treatments, she never reached out.
Part of me thinks I should just forget it and move on. Part of me wants to let her know how much I feel used.
– Laura
Dear Laura: You were a good friend to step in during a time of extreme need, and of course your friend (and her husband) should have thanked you. But it is unseemly to question the motivations or finances of someone who is gravely ill; after all, this puppy might have been a gift to the family. And really, would you behave any differently knowing that you wouldn’t be thanked adequately? I don’t think you would.
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