Dear Amy: A female co-worker regularly scrutinizes the wardrobes and accessories of other female co-workers. Her scrutiny is so detailed that she notices the smallest thing, such as a change in polish color, the buttons on a jacket or even a watch with a different color face.
Every time she sees something new, she has to comment on it and get a closer look. Her comments are very detailed, not casual.
I feel as if I’m in the Army and going through uniform inspection and she’s constantly judging me! I want to say something to my co-worker so that she’ll stop examining me from head to toe every day.
But it’s a small office and I want to maintain harmony. Any suggestions?
– Under the Microscope
Dear Under: It is possible that your co-worker thinks that she is complimenting you with her microscopic scrutiny of your clothing and person. You should politely tell her that this makes you uncomfortable. After she understands that it bothers you, she should stop what she’s doing and work very hard to break this bad habit.
Maintaining office harmony isn’t only your job – it’s hers as well.
…
Dear Amy: I am 14 years old and have a serious problem with my brother’s girlfriend. My brother is 24 years old and has been dating this girl for about three years. Recently, my older sister informed our family that my brother’s girlfriend has been cheating on my brother. And this is not just a one-time thing. She has a reputation for getting around.
Since I found out about this, I have been really upset about it. I used to really like her, but I can’t seem to get over the fact that she cheated on him. My brother is so sweet. He has only had a couple of real girlfriends in his life but really treats them nicely.
Everyone tells me just to put on a happy face when I see her, but the truth is, “happy” is the last thing that girl makes me feel.
Am I being totally unreasonable?
– Girlfriend Hater
Dear Hater: You should tell your brother how you are feeling and ask him to help you with this. If he is a sensitive older brother, he’ll take some time with you, listen to your concerns and explain how he feels. I bet he’ll appreciate your loyalty to him – that’s a wonderful quality – but you probably don’t know everything that’s going on between these two, nor should you. It could be a mistake to judge his girlfriend too harshly.
…
Dear Amy: “Cheerleader” said his wife complains too much, and that he’s tired of “always taking the positive side.” Maybe his wife is a complainer – but you missed a possibility: She’s reacting to his gross insensitivity.
My husband never tried to “jolly” me out of problems, but he did receive most of my complaints silently. We discussed this, and he said that he was trying to think of solutions. I explained that I seldom needed solutions, just a sympathetic ear and a little acknowledgment.
Now we share complaints while being sensitive (usually) that we aren’t overdoing it.
– Anchorage
Dear Anchorage: I have received many letters from women who echo your point. This is a classic “Venus/Mars” difference between how women and men tend to approach problems, and I appreciate your pointing it out.
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