Dear Amy: I am one of seven siblings. Our mother is turning 70 this year, and we want to do something special for her. We have been talking for almost a year about all seven children getting together with our mother on a chartered yacht in the Virgin Islands for a four-day trip.
Some of us are married and others are not, but we have agreed that this is a “siblings only” trip (we’re scattered throughout the country.) Our problem is that our youngest brother’s wife has informed him that he cannot go on the trip unless she is allowed to go. He insists that he is a “package deal.” We really want our brother to come, but we aren’t willing to have his wife override the six of us agreeing that this trip is for siblings only. It would also be unfair to the other spouses who have agreed to the “siblings-only” rule.
Would it be appropriate for the six of us to talk to our brother’s wife and try to persuade her to allow her husband to attend this once- in-a-lifetime occasion with his siblings and without her?
– Sacrificing Sibling
Dear Sibling: You should appoint an ambassador for your group, rather than gang up on your sister-in-law by trying to tag-team her into submission. The person closest to her and most sympathetic to her position should do the job (it’s not a job I envy – she sounds like a pill.) The way you all have set this up, the only way you will get what you want and have a good time on this spouseless trip is with your sister-in-law’s blessing. I suggest being extremely solicitous. Don’t rule out bribery and/or a gigantic fruit basket. If you’re able, you and your siblings could get creative and offer the left-behind spouses a few days at whichever port you’ll be returning to – that way everybody gets a vacation.
If your sister-in-law won’t budge and your brother won’t come without her, then simply drop it and continue with your plans (she may change her mind once she thinks about life at sea surrounded by hostile in-laws). Ultimately, if you think that your mother will be bereft without your brother onboard, then it might be best to actually give in to this. If so, treat your sister-in-law well – otherwise your mother won’t have a good time, and her good time is the whole point, right?
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