Dear Amy: A few years ago new neighbors moved into the house next to ours.
They belong to a church in our town, and the husband is the pastor.
We have been warm and welcoming to them. Our kids sometimes play together outside, and we have attended neighborhood get-togethers on a couple of occasions at their home.
They have become very pushy with their church events and their religion. They are constantly inviting us to church functions and trying to have us over for coffee or dinner.
We are very happy with our own church and grounded in our religion, which is not the same as theirs.
We tried to be nice and always say, “Thank you, but we are busy.” They are not getting the hint.
Putting the religion piece aside, we wouldn’t choose these people to spend social time with because our lifestyles are very different.
Now we are finding ourselves trying to avoid them, which means staying inside most of the time when we are home and dodging their phone calls.
With the warm weather ahead, we can’t keep staying inside forever, just to avoid our neighbors.
How can we get them to stop inviting us to their church functions or over to their house, and just go back to being neighbors without being social friends?
– Just Want To Be Neighbors
Dear Neighbors: Cowering behind your curtains is not going to fix anything – and it might invite more invitations, along with an occasional basket of muffins left on your porch from these well-meaning people.
You need to tell your neighbors that you don’t want to participate in any of their church functions. Tell them that you think they mean well but that you feel pressured and uncomfortable about it.
Then you can say, “Remember how Robert Frost said, ‘Good fences make good neighbors?’ We want to keep things neighborly but would feel better if we had more of a ‘fence’ between us to protect our privacy.” If more invitations come in, decline every single one, and they should stop asking. If they don’t stop, then you’re going to have to take this to the next step and ask them to stop asking.
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