Dear Amy: A young person who described himself as an “agnostic” wrote to you with the problem of sharing in the religious practices of his family (such as saying grace and going to church). He may have an easier solution than the non-directional grace that you suggested (although that is not a bad suggestion).
You are correct in your assessment that this is an important part of his spiritual journey and intellectual development.
One of the major problems in societies everywhere is the tyranny associated with the image of “God” held by adherents. While organized religions create concrete answers to the question, “who and what is God?” in truth, we really don’t know.
William James would argue that the religious reformers were constantly reformulating their image of God.
My suggestion to the young man is for him to expand his notion of God well beyond that of his family members and seek a glimpse of the transcendent that we all sense is there. He can do this comfortably by recognizing that his speculations are as valid as those of people holding impressive religious credentials – mainly because they are a part of his vision of the universe.
– John
Dear John: Thank you for bringing William James into the conversation. I’m embarrassed that I have quoted Celine Dion in this space but had so far neglected this important 19th-century American philosopher, whose writings on religious inquiry are still fresh.
Adolescence is a time of exploration and inquiry. Questioning the idea that God exists is, yes, developmentally, intellectually and spiritually important. Families should engage in this sort of conversation rather than deny it.
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Dear Amy: I read the letter from the 15-year-old agnostic who was having problems with family mealtime graces, and I had to let you know about a great book. It’s called “Grateful Heart: Daily Blessings for the Evening Meal From Buddha to the Beatles,” by M.J. Ryan (2002, Conari Press).
The graces are about being thankful, without necessarily directing that thanks to any one entity.
My son and I are Unitarian Universalists and I’ve found it to be a wonderful tool at mealtimes.
– Dawn
Dear Dawn: I’ve heard from a number of Unitarian Universalists who echo your support of non-religious graces.
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