Los Angeles – Britney Spears says she “hit rock bottom,” in a message posted on her website about the end of her marriage and her time in rehab.
“Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day, I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression,” the 25-year-old pop star writes. “I was like a bad kid running around with ADD (attention deficit disorder).”
Spears completed a month-long stay at a luxury Malibu treatment facility in March after a series of over-the-top behavior, including shaving her own head, and perpetual partying.
She filed for divorce from aspiring rapper Kevin Federline in November, two months after giving birth to their second child, Jayden James. The pair, who also have an older son – Sean Preston, now 20 months – reached a divorce settlement in March.
“I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce,” wrote Spears. “I was so overwhelmed, I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to.”
“I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost,” she writes.
“I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life,” she continues. “You never know another person’s intentions or what another person wants. … I have had to cut so many people out of my life.”
Spears also says she is “having to face a lot of things” as she raises her two young sons. “A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again,” she writes. “It is like we are never good enough.”
Explaining her well-publicized partying, she says: “I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce.”
“I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or ‘Good Morning America,'” she says. “I am only human, people, and I love you for still loving me.”
She closes by saying: “We will never really understand or figure out life completely. That’s God’s job. I can’t wait to meet him … or her. Love, Britney.”
