Dear Amy: I am a student home from college for the summer.
Before packing up to go home, I stored a lot of my belongings at my grandparents’ condominium near my college.
My family and I also allowed a woman I have been friends with for 15 years to store her things with mine (we go to the same college).
My parents and I helped carry her heavy boxes up two flights of stairs, and then we treated her to lunch.
She has been a dear friend of mine since early childhood and is relatively close to my family.
However, after coming home for the summer, this “friend” began to ignore me. I have made a few attempts to get in touch with her, with no success. She will either reply, “I’m busy” or “I’ll call you back.” She lives in my neighborhood, and excludes me from get-togethers with mutual friends.
Now I have to see her again in August, when I have to return her things. I am in no mood to do her any more favors.
How should I handle this situation? I know that giving her things to charity would be pretty low, but I am more than ready to do it!
– Human Doormat
Dear Doormat: Here’s what you should do about your friend’s belongings: nothing whatsoever.
When August comes, you have no obligation to return her things to her. She can contact you or your grandparents and arrange for a convenient time when she can climb the two flights of stairs and retrieve them. Your lifelong friendship ensures that she has your phone number.
For whatever reason, your friend is snubbing you. She sounds rude and ungrateful – the sort of person you should avoid. It can be quite painful to see these childhood friendships falter and fail, but it sometimes happens as people make the bumpy transition to adulthood and discover that they have different values.
When it gets closer to the date when she will have to gain access to her property, she will attempt to revive the relationship. Be cordial, but make her do whatever work she needs to do to retrieve her stuff.
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Dear Amy: I’m wondering how I should respond to someone who throws out fashion tips and self-improvement pointers. I have a client who, upon seeing me, cannot seem to stop herself from advising me on anything from my choice of hair color to men whom I date.
I take from it what I can, but I’m at the point that I would like to tactfully put a muzzle on her.
– Heard Enough
Dear Heard: You were probably trying to be polite by answering her queries. Now that you’ve let the genie out of the bottle, it’s going to be hard to stuff it back in. She is a client, so the best way to respond is through silence.
Listen quietly as she prattles on. When she winds down, pause and then say, “You’re my client. So let’s talk about you.” Then get down to business.
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Dear Amy: My wife and I uncovered six or seven sealed thank-you notes to family and friends that we forgot to send from our son’s second birthday party.
The party was three months ago. Should we still send them? If so, should we include a short, apologetic note on the backs of the envelopes, or just send them as is?
– Jennifer and Drew
Dear Jennifer and Drew: Take the notes out of their envelopes and attach a more recent note apologizing for the delay. Don’t write on the envelope – that would make your gesture seem like the afterthought that it is.
It’s never too late to send a thank-you note.
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