Dear Amy: My husband and I are very close friends with another couple and enjoy going on a Hawaiian vacation with them every few years. There is another couple, also longtime friends, who have invited themselves on our vacations.
The first time – about 15 years ago – it happened so fast that we kind of thought we had invited them, weird as that sounds. We tried to make the best of it, but they ended up sharing a place with our best friends, and we were exiled to a separate condo. Also, though this other husband and wife are basically good folks, they aren’t very nice to each other. The woman, in particular, is very critical of her husband, and then he shuts down.
We keep trying to plan vacations, but they find out we’re going and just plan to go with us. One year, we planned to go at a time when the husband was tied up with business at work and wouldn’t be able to go.
He bought tickets anyway, sent his wife alone for a week and joined us the second week. We don’t tell them our plans, but others who know all of us somehow find out we are leaving town, and then the inevitable happens.
We like them all right as friends, but we don’t want to vacation with them anymore. Even though they have moved, they still are always asking us if we are planning a trip to Hawaii, saying, “We really need to do that again.” Because it’s not in our nature to lie or hurt someone’s feelings, we are clueless as to how to stop this. – Anxious in Anchorage
Dear Anxious: If you can’t fudge, sneak off or tell them you’re going to Bismarck, N.D., and instead go to Hawaii, then your only choice is to tell a version of the truth and risk hurting someone’s feelings.
Make sure that you and your traveling buddies are on the same page. It would be bad, very bad, if you issued a code-red travel alert only to have your pals passively cave.
When these friends inquire about this year’s Hawaii vacation, one of you is going to have to say, “We’re going alone with just the Smiths this year. We wanted to relive the old days together with just the two couples this time.” Be prepared to assert this several times, as the other couple boldly make their plans to join you.
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Dear Amy: Responding to the issue of people taking their dogs into stores, I work in a doctor’s office, and recently we had two patients bring their dogs into the office.
The first tried to hide her little dog in a tote. I had to tell her that the doctor didn’t allow dogs in the office and that we couldn’t see her until she took the dog out.
A few days later we had to wait to see a patient until her daughter came and picked up her dog.
We are thinking of putting a sign up that says, “No Dogs Allowed,” but you would think that people would know better. – Like Dogs, but Not at Work
Dear Like Dogs: It was just a matter of time before our heath-care system went entirely to the dogs.
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