Dear Amy: I have a nagging romantic fantasy that I can’t get rid of.
Twenty years ago I had a huge crush on a male friend in college. Just when I thought we might get together, he went away for the summer and met his future wife.
I felt I had lost my first true love. We moved to different states and kept in touch for a few years (a couple of times a year).
I have been happily married for almost 14 years. Over the years, I’ve wondered what might have happened with this other guy, but I let it go, or so I thought, until Facebook entered the picture.
I got caught up reconnecting with friends from high school and college, and sure enough, he was in the mix (we have lots of mutual friends). I was so excited to look at his photos.
Now I find myself having periodic dreams about him. In the dreams (as in real life), we are friends but are never romantic. Then I wake up.
I have worried that this isn’t good for my marriage. I feel it’s kind of like emotional adultery.
I tried “hiding” from my friend on Facebook, but I see his comments on other friends’ posts anyway.
If I drop him as a friend, I feel as if I would need to explain why, and he knows nothing of this. My husband doesn’t know he exists. What should I do? — Confused
Dear Confused: You are feeling a sense of loss over a relationship that never happened — sort of like my love connection with Donny Osmond.
You didn’t lose your first true love. You simply didn’t consummate a crush all those years ago. Your dreams are a function of your trying to tie up this loose end.
If you can’t handle this casual cyber-contact, then “unfriend” this person. Don’t create a friendship drama by feeling you need to explain yourself. You don’t.
This episode presents an opportunity for you to examine your life and then make a choice to grow up, put this in the past and recommit to your crush on your husband.
Dear Amy: Recently I’ve noticed that my father drinks about a bottle of wine every night after work. It’s not incredibly obvious — he’s not opening and killing the same bottle every night, but rather finishing a partial and starting a new one.
I’ve made comments to my mother, but she just kind of brushes it off. And he’s never mean or unruly or even seems drunk — he just drinks wine after work.
I know he went to AA many years ago, when we kids were a lot younger. I always thought that people who were recovering alcoholics weren’t supposed to drink, but no one in my family has ever discussed this.
Do you think I’m overreacting? — Ready to Speak Up
Dear Ready: When you’re in a family together, you get to ask one another about what’s going on. Your mother either doesn’t think your father’s drinking is a problem, is in denial about the problem or doesn’t want to discuss it with you.
So ask your father. Say, “Dad, I worry about your wine drinking. It seems like a lot.” Some alcoholics stop drinking for a time and then gradually increase their alcohol use. This is why people in recovery often attend 12-step meetings at different times throughout their lives.
What you might learn here is that even if your father has a drinking problem, you’ll be the one saddled with getting help for yourself, regardless of what he chooses to do. It doesn’t seem fair, but in the topsy- turvy world of addiction, you learn that your powerlessness over other people creates problems for you.
Al-Anon/Alateen is an organization devoted to helping friends and family members of alcoholics. Alateen is the wing of Al-Anon designed for young people. Check their website for information and for a local meeting: .
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
