I miss the days when you could go to the store, buy a pack of 60- or 100-watt light bulbs in soft white, and be done.
Now buying a light bulb is harder than picking hair color.
The other day I went out for hair color and light bulbs and was gone so long my husband called the National Guard. And I still came home with the wrong bulbs.
Entering the light-bulb aisle felt like stepping in quicksand. I sank into the selection, lured by the belief that I truly might find The Bulb I was looking for, that one-in-a-million bulb. (OK, it’s closer to one in 18,000. That’s how many light bulbs are in the GE catalog.)
Now, I don’t consider myself a dim woman. I did all right in school. And I can count backward from 100 by sevens, even after a drink.
But apparently getting replacement bulbs for my under-cabinet lighting proved a task for superior intellects. As I sorted through incandescents, halogens and CFLs; round, standard and candle flame; clear, frosted, white and tinted; wattages and light temperatures, I wondered why we haven’t all gone back to candles.
To be sure I bought the right new bulb, I brought a burned- out bulb with me, a Halogen the size of a firecracker. The first bulb I brought home was one-eighth-inch too long to fit in the little, glass, under-cabinet cage. On my second try, I was so focused on bulb length I got the wrong size base. I sent a tweet out on Twitter: Can’t some brilliant somebody invent the Michelle Obama of light bulbs? One that adapts to all circumstances, fits in anywhere, and figures out just how much to shine?
After my failed attempts, I slid down onto the kitchen floor in the dark with a drink and counted backward by sevens.
Then one day, after chopping tomatoes in the dark using the Braille method and almost losing a finger, I copied down the teeny-weeny code on the base of the bulb, a font designed for baby mice who’ve had Lasik procedures, and found a match at , a light bulb dating site. I bought two dozen.
I replaced the burned out bulbs and stuffed the rest in my pantry alongside my growing, diverse bulb collection, which has globe shaped, candelabra style, pink to soften wrinkles, yellow to repel bugs, one-way, three- way, night lights, appliance lights, flood lights, solar lights . . . and never the one I need.
Syndicated columnist Marni Jameson is the author of the just released “House of Havoc,” and “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo Press). Contact her through .
Let there be bulbs
“Consumers are going through a big learning curve,” said Joe Rey-Barreau, architect, lighting designer and spokesperson for the American Lighting Association. “I wish I could say it was going to get easier.” Although the selection is growing more complicated, the brighter news is this: Today’s light- bulb selection really can help you achieve great looks for less money. Here’s how he says we can make bulb shopping less of a burn-out.
STEP ONE: KNOW YOUR BULBS
Incandescent: Familiar and affordable, incandescent lights have electrified filaments that produce a warm white light. People are moving away from incandescent bulbs, which are banned in Europe, because they’re inefficient. Ninety-five percent of their energy converts into heat. Used responsibly, however (see point on dimmers), they’re still great for providing overall ambient light, overhead lighting, and chandelier lighting. They’re not good for small spaces like closets because they get too hot.
Halogen: More sophisticated incandescents, halogen bulbs cost twice as much and are just as inefficient. However, their crisp white light and dramatic concentrated beams make them ideal for under-cabinet lighting, down spots, track lighting or art lights, but not for soft, diffuse light.
Compact fluorescent lights: Today’s best energy-saving option, CFLs create light by heating gas in a curved glass tube. According to Energy Star, if every American home replaced one light with an Energy Star-rated light, we would save enough energy to light more than 3 million homes for a year, about $700 million in annual energy costs. CFLs are good in lamps or sconces with shades, which hide the odd-looking curly bulbs. They’re good for closets, less ideal in recessed cans, not right if you want focused light, and most won’t work with dimmers. Because CFLs contain mercury, dispose of them responsibly. Don’t just toss them in the trash.
STEP TWO: WORK THE OPTIONS
Dimmers all around. Rey-Barreau can’t think of any room where dimmers aren’t an advantage. The amount you will save in energy directly correlates to the percentage you dim the lights: Dim lights halfway, save 50 percent. Plus, for every 10 percent you dim, you double the life of the bulb. Finally, dimmers give you great lighting control. Tabletop dimmers are available for lamps.
White or clear? Soft white is most popular because it provides the most even light. Clear bulbs can cast harsh shadows from lamp hardware. Frosted glass, which is sandblasted, also casts reflections but less so. Clear is good for outdoor lanterns where you want the candle effect of a carriage lamp, as well as for chandelier fixtures that take candle- shaped bulbs.
Adjust your beams: Fixtures that swivel or tilt are great for aiming light onto a fireplace or art. But they do an even better job when outfitted with bulbs that have a specific beam spread, which dictates how wide the light cone is. Choices include spot, narrow flood and flood. Who knew?
