Dear Amy: My best friend and I have been friends for 15 years. She and her husband married young and have had a rocky marriage. I have been a very supportive friend.
Two years ago, my friend and her husband separated. He lives four hours away from her now, although they are still married and say they are working on their marriage. She makes frequent visits to see him.
About a month ago, my friend confided that she’d had a one-night stand. At the time, I expressed my disappointment in her behavior and encouraged her to tell her husband and attempt to work things out.
Now she has learned that she is pregnant and is pretty sure that the baby is not her husband’s. She is planning not to tell her husband about the indiscretion and wants to let him think the baby is his.
I feel that this is wrong and have expressed this to her. My question is, should I tell her husband? We’re not close, but I feel that he deserves to know what is going on before he unwittingly becomes committed to caring for a child who is not his and who is the result of his wife’s adulterous behavior. — Confused in TN
Dear Confused: Your friend’s pregnancy will give her many months to figure out how to do the right thing. I could imagine that this separated husband with a rocky marriage might have some questions about his wife’s pregnancy.
You should continue to be a supportive friend by urging her to be truthful with her husband.
If you choose to inform her husband of the possibility that this unborn child isn’t his (you obviously don’t know for sure who fathered this baby), then you can expect your friendship to end.
Dear Amy: My husband, “Steve,” and I are a same-sex couple. We were legally married in California in 2008.
I was recently referred to a chiropractor for an ongoing back problem.
Because my husband was interested in hearing the doctor’s diagnosis, he went with me to the appointment.
I introduced Steve as “my husband,” and the doctor invited him to observe in the exam room. He patiently answered our questions, and we agreed to schedule several more treatment sessions.
As he scheduled me for another treatment, he asked us how long we had been married. We told him, and he responded that he and his wife had been married for two years, too. The day of my next appointment, the doctor called me and said he had a “veterinary emergency” and would have to cancel my appointment that day, but he would call me the next day to reschedule.
It has been almost three weeks, and I have yet to hear from him! We are baffled that he hasn’t called to reschedule. I think that someone (his wife, maybe) may have taken offense to two men having the gall to refer to each other as “husbands.” — Disappointed in Denver
Dear Disapppointed: Perhaps this chiropractor’s inattention is due more to his lack of organizational skills and less a referendum on your marriage.
And, please, don’t reflexively blame his wife. If you are desperate for another treatment, you should either contact this chiropractor yourself to make sure he hasn’t lost your number or get a second referral to a chiropractor who is more organized, competent and available.
Dear Amy: Is it rude to offer someone a tissue? I ride public transit to and from work, and more times than not there is someone near me sniffling or sneezing.
I would like to offer these people a tissue. I carry a small package with me, so it’s not as if I am pulling it out of my pocket and it’s crumpled up, but I don’t want to offer it if it’s rude. — Bus Rider
Dear Rider: Not only is it not rude to offer a tissue, it is very polite, and I thank you in advance.
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