Dear Amy: I have lived with a man for 10 years.
He had a great job but lost it after many years because of an indiscretion on his part.
He has refused to find any meaningful employment since then. He has never gone outside of the “box” and doesn’t seem to have much imagination or sense of adventure.
Good fortune has come recently because of a lottery win, and now the two of us are self-sufficient.
Prior to this win, I was always very content with my life and very happy with my seasonal position. I wish to continue this scenario for the next couple of years. (I am only 57 years old.)
This job has kept me in contact with the outside world and always gives me a sense of accomplishment.
My “spouse,” on the other hand, indicates that he wants me to give this all up in order to accompany him in his daily life because he has no “life” of his own.
He still remains inside the “box.”
I continue to encourage him to do his own thing on occasion but have had difficulty in doing so. Any suggestions? — Lottery Winner
Dear Winner: From your description, you seem to be the one inside the “box,” and frankly, that’s a good thing.
Lottery winners (big winners, anyway) do best when they don’t make any drastic moves. The most successful winners hold onto their jobs, homes and relationships — and use their windfall to achieve and sustain long- term financial stability.
You should both receive professional financial counseling — because you may not have a realistic view of how far your winnings will take you.
You also need to conduct a big-picture discussion about your ideas and ideals. You should each declare an individual goal and then name a goal you would ideally like to share with your partner.
Your goal might be to continue working for the next two years; his might be to stay home and tinker.
Then you each get to choose an experience the other will share — but you are not responsible for providing him with constant company.
Dear Amy: Frequently, grandparents write to you complaining their grandchildren do not write thank-you notes.
Do they write thank-you notes to their grandchildren?
My children spend time before each birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Christmas choosing things they think their grandparents will like. Not once have my children received a thank-you note.
While I believe an oral thank you when a gift is received on some occasions is enough (such as gifts opened in their presence), my children’s grandparents want a written thank-you note for every gift.
My children dutifully write the notes but frequently ask why their grandparents never write notes thanking them.
It would go a long way toward reinforcing this positive behavior if children received thank-you notes as well. — Tired of the Double Standard
Dear Tired: I suggest you have a heart-to-heart with the grandparents about this, remind them of their standards and ask them to mind their manners.
Dear Amy: I really feel I must respond to “Disgusted Diner,” who was offended when other women call her “Honey,” “Hon,” “Dear” or “Sweetie.”
If this offends her, she should never come to New Orleans! Here we call everyone “Baby,” “Sugar,” “Honey” and many other endearments.
It is not intended to be disrespectful but rather a part of our friendly and unique culture.
With all the cruel and inhumane things people do to each other, does it make any sense to get upset over a stranger’s greeting you with an endearment? — New Orleans “Honey”
Dear Honey: There is no sugar quite as sweet as New Orleans “Sugar” — though personally I prefer “Shug.”
Wrtie to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
