Dear Amy: My daughter-in-law “Wendy” uses Facebook to complain. Her entries focus on how much she hates her job, her boss, how much she feels cheated by being a working mother, and even a post or two about the shortcomings of her new husband (my son), who apparently failed to buy her a lavish enough Mother’s Day present.
These posts create a kind of online persona that makes her seem almost vicious, and she really isn’t that way. At least I never thought so before.
But the embarrassing part is that she is Facebook “friends” with everyone in my family, and her posts are a topic of not-too-flattering gossip, along with some outright concern.
My son is not on Facebook. I have mentioned to him a few times when her posts have become offensive, and he is trying to deal with it offline.
Should I offer to have a talk with my daughter-in-law? Or hope my son figures this out? — Concerned Mother- in-law
Dear Concerned: When your daughter-in-law posts her complaints, selfishness or negativity on the public bulletin board that is Facebook, she runs the risk of ruining her personal and professional reputation. And that’s her business.
When her whining veers into family territory, that’s your business.
A respectful “heads-up” (to her) is in order — and then you should back off, adjust your settings on Facebook and stop reading her posts.
Dear Amy: My mother died after 14 years of marriage to her husband, my stepfather. That was two years ago.
During that time the blended family was encouraged to think of ourselves as a family and not as “steps.” This man was the only grandfather my children (now young adults) have ever known.
Now my stepfather is remarrying. My immediate family has not been included in the engagement or wedding notices or plans; we are not invited to the wedding at all.
I’m feeling a bit deserted by this. Am I overreacting? — Left Out
Dear Left Out: Your reaction is natural and understandable.
If you feel you still have a wonderful and warm relationship with your stepfather and are baffled by this exclusion, you might assume that it is due to sensitivity on the part of your stepfather’s fiancee.
She may feel threatened by the relationship your stepfather has with you. You should tell your stepfather that you are happy for him and that you and the kids miss him.
You could make a gesture toward friendship with your stepfather’s new wife by inviting her to lunch or a drink.
Dear Amy: “Peace-loving Parents” wrote to you saying they do not want violent video games in their home.
I never let my son purchase or rent a violent video game when he was younger.
Parents should look at the purchase of these games as an extension of your family values. Our son starts his first year of college he has outgrown playing video games. — Terp Mom in Maryland
Dear Mom: Your son will find that this issue does not stop at the campus gates.
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