Dear Amy: I am stepmom to a 17-year-old boy. My husband and I have gone in circles over whether “PJ” should be able to have friends over when we are not home. We have a pool and there is alcohol in the home.
I am a teacher and have worked with teens for years. I could lose my job if I left my class alone for even a minute. This is a no-brainer.
I feel that parents frequently put kids in a compromising position by leaving them responsible for the behavior of their friends. Peer pressure is powerful. It is not a huge stretch to think that teenage boys might take advantage of a situation when given the opportunity.
I realize that some parents choose to do this, but I do not want this liability imposed on me. I would appreciate your perspective. — No Home Alone
Dear Alone: I agree with you to the extent that parents should never leave teenagers alone overnight. In this regard, teenagers are like toddlers (for a reminder, watch the classic teen-at-home movie “Risky Business”).
However, your stepson is one year away from leaving home (presumably). He will need to learn how to modulate his own actions and — yes — how to take some responsibility for his friends’ actions when in your home.
You should feel comfortable letting your stepson have some friends over while you and your husband go out to dinner or to a movie. He and his friends should realize that you could return with no warning.
If you feel you can’t trust him around alcohol, you can lock up or remove it, but be aware that someone could bring alcohol into your home.
Tell your son that if any alcohol is consumed in your home, he will forfeit your trust in him and consequences will be swift and certain.
I agree that your pool represents a hazard. Tell all guests personally that there will be no swimming after dark, and call all their parents and repeat this safety rule to them.
Dear Amy: My neighbor has five sweet dogs that she adopted from various shelters. Both she and her pets are kind to my children, and I admire her very much as a person.
The only problem is their waste. My neighbor lets them all into the backyard to do their business, and then doesn’t clean up after them.
Aside from being a possible health threat for the animals, it is also just plain unpleasant: When we’re downwind of her house, nobody wants to go outside because the smell is bad.
I’ve tried dropping hints, but it is rather awkward, not to mention it’s hard to work the subject into everyday conversation. How do I approach my neighbor about it without alienating her? — Queasy in Waukegan
Dear Queasy: The sample below could work:
Neighbor: “Can you believe how the Chicago Cubs are playing?”
You: “Yeah, this year they smell almost as bad as your backyard.”
If this opportunity doesn’t present itself, you’ll just have to bring it up, on purpose, and face the awkwardness.
And so you say, “This is awkward; I hope you know I really love your dogs, but when the wind blows toward our house the smell from their waste is really strong. Can you do anything about that?”
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