Dear Amy: I recently started dating a wonderful man. He’s smart, funny, shares many interests with me and treats me extremely well. He’s also a co-worker 15 years my senior. I am in my mid-20s.
We haven’t gone public with our relationship, but we are not violating any company policy. I’m worried about the reactions we’ll receive from co-workers, my friends and my family.
We’re aware of the concerns that come with such an age gap, but we both feel that we’re at a place where we’d like to have a mature, stable and long-term relationship.
He’s never been married and has no kids, but a part of me is still worried about how to handle any comments I may receive.
Can a relationship with an age gap work? Can a relationship with co-worker be successful? Do you have a good rebuttal for those unsolicited comments? — Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend: A relationship with an age gap can work. A relationship with a colleague can be successful. Your confidence in your choice is the best rebuttal. If this doesn’t prove adequate, you can respond, politely, “Well, thanks for the feedback, but I’ll take it from here.”
Dear Amy: My sister is in college. She has a roommate who is very inconsiderate. The roommate’s boyfriend is always there, which is against the college’s rules. The girl and her boyfriend make out in plain view, they are total slobs, and the boyfriend doesn’t even wash his hands after using the restroom!
My parents and sister have talked to the school resident assistant, but nothing can be done unless they have proof that he’s always there.
Any advice? — Sick of It Sister
Dear Sister: Your sister needs to start advocating more forcefully for herself, and your parents can help.
This matter is above the RA’s pay grade. Your sister should visit her dean of student housing’s office. She should wait until she sees the dean personally.
She should explain what is going on and request a room change.
Depending on what the dean says, your parents can follow up and either continue to advocate for your sister, or congratulate her for handling this on her own.
Dear Amy: I think your response to “Sad Aunt” was way off base. She was upset when her nieces and nephews didn’t send her a card or gift for her birthday.
I feel the same way the writer feels. I have given cash gifts of $100 to nieces, nephews and stepgrandchildren for graduation. I’ve given baby shower gifts after being invited to a shower.
Few have thanked me by way of phone, mail, Facebook or any other manner. I blame this lack of etiquette on the mother. This is a lot of money to me.
Now I have this to say: If you know me and don’t receive a gift from me, it’s because your brother or sister didn’t bother sending a thank you. — Julie in Kansas
Dear Julie: “Sad Aunt” was upset about not receiving cards and gifts on her birthday, though she said her nieces and nephews reached out to her through phone calls or e-mail.
Your frustration in not being thanked is one of the most commonly visited issues in this column. You lay the blame and responsibility with mothers. Fathers also influence children.
I agree that if you are not thanked, you will lose your incentive to give to that person, but it seems a shame to penalize siblings.
Dear Amy: While “Sniffing Son” is trying to get his father checked out for potential health issues for the “old people smell” in their house, he should also have his parents’ furnace checked.
We had something similar happen in my parents’ home. The furnace had to be replaced as it had become dangerous. Since then, the furnace and ventilation system gets checked every fall. — Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned: Great suggestion.
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