Dear Amy: My husband and I have experienced the worst tragedy that a mother and father can experience. We lost our infant son to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
We both fell into a deep, dark depression. Every day continues to be a struggle for us.
I decided to write this letter to you, to let other parents know that they are not alone in their grief and also to bring awareness to help others provide necessary support to the bereaved parents.
A few days after my son’s funeral, we received numerous cards and flowers, and then everything stopped.
We did not even receive any phone calls. We just felt so alone. We still do.
My husband and I know firsthand that the passing of an infant/child is a sensitive issue.
I understand that people do not know what to say.
Speaking from experience, I can tell you that it is better to say something than not to say anything at all.
A simple “I’m sorry” is very meaningful to the bereaved parents.
I hope that you will be able to provide insight on how to approach the parents of a child who has passed away? — Mourning
Dear Mourning: My sincere sympathy to your family. Thank you for reaching out to other grieving parents during such a difficult time.
I called Allison Glover, bereavement support specialist for (800-221-7437). She lost her own child to SIDS 11 years ago and now counsels other grieving parents.
Glover says she will answer a grieving parent’s call any time, day or night (and I can testify that she picked up on the first ring).
She wants you to know that this terrible phase will not last forever.
“With time, you will be able to find comfort and peace. Your lives will come back together.
“There is hope. You should reach out to other grieving families who are a little further along in the journey (you can do this through or ).
“You may worry that you have outtalked your closest friends and family; keep a journal to express your feelings, fears and dreams.”
Most people have unresolved grief, themselves.
For your friends and family members: Sometimes words fail, but a mere presence to listen is so helpful.
This is especially important after the first six weeks (and certainly during the holiday season).
Glover would like to remind you that even though he is gone, your son will always be a part of your family — and even as you are struggling with your grief, realizing this might help.
Dear Amy: I was blown away by the demand from a reader signed “Gretchen,” who accused you of using a phrase (“me no likey”) that was universally offensive.
My kids and I say this all the time.
We thought it was merely “baby talk” and didn’t know we were being culturally insensitive. — A Reader
Dear Reader: I thought the same.
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