Holidays are associated with traditions, and those traditions come with expectations. When those expectations are left unfulfilled because of family member’s life choices, what’s often left is a holiday of clouded emotions.
The Community Education Centers’ (CEC) family services program in Denver organized an early, interactive Mother’s Day event on Wednesday night that sought to address these complicated emotions for incarcerated women and their families. The women were joined by their children and families at Tooley Hall, the organization’s reentry facility, to plant seeds, decorate treats, and make homemade cards.
“We want to recreate the rituals that bond families together. We all know people bond around holidays,” said Dr. Louis Barretti, the national director of the family services program.
The isolation of incarceration isn’t an isolated event. It impacts the offender’s relationships with family and friends, and often continues to affect them long after they are released.
The family of Tiffany Tyau-Zamora, 24, can attest to the difficulties they faced when she was given a 3-year sentence to community corrections for her felony of identity theft.
“It tore our family apart. It separated each of us from one another,” said Melissa Zamora, Tiffany’s mother.
Tiffany’s 3-year-old daughter, Isabella Zamora, is living with her husband, Julio Pinedo, while Tiffany completes her sentence. Tiffany spent eight months in the county jail before being transferred to Tooley Hall in December. Isabella was 2 when her mother was sent in jail and would not go to visit her, but Isabella feels more comfortable going to the transitional facility.
“When there has been incarceration it is very hard to have a secure feeling,” Barretti said.
Isabella, who calls the facility “the office” sat next to her mother as they decorated Rice Krispie treats together.
“She calls and asks me, ‘Are you at the office with the girls, mom?'” Tiffany said.
Barretti and his team are in the process of finalizing a new curriculum called “Mentoring Our Moms,” which uses a three-generation approach to relationship dynamics. The curriculum will be implemented in CEC facilities around the nation next month.
“Part of it is the forgiveness process because those children have already experienced so much let down,” Barretti said. “First, there is the acknowledgement of the pain. Then, they must heal from the pain. And then (the mothers) must create the vision that ‘I want things to be different for my children.'”
Liz Ramirez, the facility director at Tooley Hall, sees a spectrum of family situations for her residents.
“I think it’s harder on the mothers than the kids because they have so much guilt,” Ramirez said.
Tiffany says that not being at home with her daughter is the hardest part of serving her time, and Tiffany’s mother is also dealing with the guilt.
“(Tiffany’s) mistake has made me grow up, and I should’ve grown up before the mistake was made,” Melissa said.
“(This program) has taught us all to be self-sufficient.” she said. “I’ve held a job for the longest time in my life. I didn’t give the greatest example to her and now having my daughter going through this has motivated me to get up and fight.”
Melissa’s proactive attitude helps fulfill one of the program’s goals of accomplishing long-term change.
“It is our belief that working with families … anticipating the problems they will face … and attempting to keep them connected when they are incarcerated, is good for the residents when they go home, and good for society as a whole,”Barretti said.
Tiffany, now five months pregnant, is proud of being drug-free for more than a year now and is thankful for her family’s support.
“The hardest part of not being at home is not being with my daughter and husband,” Tiffany said. “But, it feels good to have my family’s supports.”
Melissa said that this whole process has been a huge lesson for their family.
“You could be the poorest people in the world, but if you have the moral guidance for her kids, it makes all the difference,” Melissa said.
Kristen Leigh Painter: 303-954-1638 or kpainter@denverpost.com
