Getting your player ready...
Dear J.T. & DALE: I encouraged my friend “Tina” to apply for a job at my company. She did, then started emailing me every other day asking if I’d heard anything. I went to HR to check. They said Tina wasn’t qualified. Now I have to get back to her. She’s going to ask me a million questions I don’t have answers to. I regret ever starting. – Blake
DALE: Never regret trying to help a friend find a job. It can be uncomfortable to be around those who are out of work, particularly if they are as frantic as Tina seems to be. But if you give in to those feelings and start avoiding Tina, it leaves her without a job, without co-workers and without her support group. J.T.: However, while you did a nice thing by referring your friend, you can’t get her the job – that’s up to Tina. I would simply call her and say you went to HR and were told she wasn’t qualified. Say straight out that you didn’t get any other information because they weren’t giving it out. Referring a person to a job in no way makes you responsible; you shouldn’t be made to feel bad. So, the next time you refer Tina, or anyone else, set some ground rules: Be clear that you don’t want to get involved so that he or she doesn’t keep emailing you and asking for your help. You need to figure out how much you are comfortable doing, and set those expectations and limits. DALE: I hope your expectation is to be a good friend who’s determined to help. And one of the most important ways you can help is to teach someone like Tina how to ask for help. Try saying something like: “I was reading about how most people who lose a job start by asking friends, ‘Do you know of any jobs?’ For most people, the answer is ‘no,’ and that’s the end of the discussion. What works better is to figure out the types of jobs and companies where you’d be a good fit and then ask everyone for connections. Like, ‘Do you know anyone in brand management at ABC Corp.?'” What you are trying to teach Tina is to help people help her, to ask for connections and introductions, not just job openings. J.T.: Good point – one that softens my initial reaction enough to suggest asking yourself this: “If I lost my job, how far would I want friends to go for me?” Dear J.T. & Dale: My boss loves talking politics. I mean LOVES it. He owns the company, and with only 20 of us working for him, we interact throughout the day. Whenever there’s a down moment, he works in politics. I’m very uncomfortable because we couldn’t be any more opposite on our political views. I keep my mouth shut, but I’m frustrated. This is a great job, but how can I work for a guy who thinks about things in a way I can’t respect? – Mo J.T.: Your boss is entitled to speak his mind, and there’s nothing you can do to stop him. So you must either stay clear of him as much as you can, or find ways to cope with his comments. You could be daring and ask if he likes to spar with people of opposing viewpoints. However, unless you are ready to debate him, and potentially lose his respect, I don’t see much upside. In short, you may need to cope or move on. DALE: Let’s cope. As a young man, I used to love passionate debates about politics. Now, jaded, I treat them as a waste of time, especially around the office. There is a magic little response that always works: “You could be right.” Try saying that, followed by a business-related question (keep a ready supply), such as, “Have you heard anything about the Johnson account?” It would be hard for a boss not to love an employee who is so single-mindedly focused on the company’s business.
