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Dear J.T. & DALE: I have the most amazing opportunity to go on a one-month mission with my church to build shelters in a Third World country. However, I just got a new job. What’s the best way to ask them to let me go and still keep my job?– Darren

DALE: If you had trouble getting a job, or if it’s a great job, my advice is simple: Don’t ask. If the trip is a success, they’ll repeat it. You can plan ahead for the next one and give yourself and your employer plenty of time to make adjustments.

J.T.: I wouldn’t give up that easily. Approach HR and ask about the policy on charity work. You might begin the conversation by talking about some unspecified future date. If they are encouraging, you might then broach the subject of doing it even sooner. By the way, some companies not only will arrange for you to take additional vacation time, but will donate extra time off.

DALE: I like that. I could see Darren starting the conversation and if the HR people boast, “Our company proudly supports charity work,” he could say, “I really wanted to go this year but thought it would be too soon to ask.” Odds are, they will merely agree; however, there is a small but no-risk chance that they will work with you to make it happen.

J.T.: The most important thing is to be open with your employers and understand that it is their right to say “no.” You want to respect that. If you decide you don’t want to miss out and must go, then you will need to resign. This may well cause them to give you a less-than-favorable reference for ditching them. So I hope you will think carefully about what you are trying to accomplish, and think long-term. Do it right and it will be a marvelous win-win-win.

Dear J.T. & Dale: I started a new job three months ago and have a huge problem, which is that I am totally in love with my boss. He is seriously the nicest, smartest man I’ve ever met. He is married but is getting divorced. I think he might like me, too. I know we can’t date while we work together, so I’m thinking of finding a new job. Should I ask him first, before I quit this great job?– Caroline

J.T.: The HR person in me is screaming: “NO! NO! Don’t date at work, ESPECIALLY the boss!” However, the realist in me knows that many people meet future spouses at work. Either way, I am glad that you have concluded that dating him at work is a no-no. It never leads anyplace good.

DALE: I would suggest a test. Let the boss know that you are romantically interested in him. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then you have your answer. However, if the boss asks you out, then you know that he is a numbskull, and you should have nothing to do with him.

J.T.: I doubt anyone could or would follow that advice. Instead, Caroline, try to restrain yourself for a few months. This may let his divorce become finalized, while you see if your crush wears off. Then if you still feel the same way, pursue another job. When you get an offer, pull him aside and say, “I have a job offer and would take it if it meant we could go on a date.” He’ll let you know right then if he’s up for it. If he says “no,” you can decide if you want to continue working for him or just get away.

DALE: I like the part about waiting a few months. Interesting statistic: Three years is the average time between a divorce and remarriage. While waiting, you might find out why his wife is divorcing him. I put it that way because of another interesting statistic: The wife initiates the divorce two-thirds of the time. Perhaps it will turn out that some other co-worker is in line ahead of you.

J.T.: That’s too dreary a thought. Yes, the odds are against you, Caroline, but if you’re patient, you can give love a chance.

– Workplace consultant and career coach J.T. O’Donnell has coached, trained and mentored employees and managers on a wide variety of career-related subjects since 1994. Her book, “CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to A Satisfying Career” is available at JTODonnell.com. Management guru Dale Dauten has written six books and is an authority on innovation in the workplace. His latest book, “Great Employees Only: How Gifted Bossess Hire & Dehire Their Way to Success” is available at Dauten.com. copyright 2013 King Features.