Andrew Luck’s beard sits on his chin like a ferret in a hammock.
It doesn’t just grow, it sprawls, and is now thick enough to double as a BabyBjorn.
“I know it’s a bad look,” Luck said during a conference call. “My girlfriend tells me every day. My mom tells me. I realize it’s a bad look. But I’m not going for any specific look.”
And that’s precisely why this thing, as Tweeter Greg Nikolayevsky described it, is so ingloriously glorious. Luck’s beard defines Luck — it’s overwhelming, strong, unpredictable and, really, just weird. Also, is it a neard? That’s neck-beard, something synonymous with Kyle Orton.
“To be honest, I just don’t like shaving during the season, razor burn,” Luck explained. “And I guess when you grow it this long you may as well keep it.”
What does this beard actually say about the Colts quarterback?
Hallie Kiefer writes for , and she explained on there that if you’re man with a full beard, “You enjoy both the warmth and physical barrier provided by a face sweater. You are nervous about flirting with people, until you realize you can just stand perfectly still and let the pheromones in your beard permeate the room. Men and women drift over as if on a breeze, your musk beckoning like the ghostly hand of a hot pie in a Looney Tunes cartoon. You will find true love with a down-to-earth lady or gentleman, and it will be years before you realize you have the exact same wardrobe of warm plaids and sensible work boots.”
I wonder if we have a Samson situation on our hands (on his face)? I’ve seen this happen. I remember at summer camp in 1990, this one kid had a flowing mullet. And while he napped one afternoon, his cabin-mate cut off the flappy part of the mullet. Suddenly, this kid was powerless, and if my memory serves correctly, he started striking out in camp softball and with every girl, regardless of how well he could serenade them with a Milli Vanilli ballad.
Unfortunately, we won’t find out this weekend, because there’s a better chance of Terrance Knighton eating quinoa than Luck shaving that thing.
Chew on this
• Earlier this season, I met Luck in Indianapolis and about his relationship with Peyton Manning and Peyton Manning’s old fans.
• The Nuggets are 3-0 since getting rid of morning shootaround! Though I did guffaw last night — when Denver had the ball and was up by two points late — and Nate Robinson launched a long-two-point jumper from right inside the 3-point arc, arguably the worst shot a player could take. He missed, but on the other end, Orlando’s Evan “More Champagne Mister” Fournier, our old friend, missed a 3 at the buzzer that could have sent the game into overtime.
• Today’s celebrity birthday? , the little girl in every movie from 1989, is 33.
Benjamin Hochman: bhochman@denverpost.com or
