On Dec. 19, the parents of James Holmes issued a statement expressing their love for their son. They feel great sadness for those who suffered at the hands of their son, but they plea for mercy because their son needs help, not death.
I sympathized as I read their statement. What would I do if my son hurt someone? What would you do if James Holmes were your son and committed an unspeakable tragedy?
Later, I cried when I read the readers’ comments. How would you feel if an entire community wanted your son to die? Some readers felt the parents should be on trial. Can you imagine being held responsible for everything your adult child did?
As the mother of an adult child who lives with schizophrenia, I’m familiar with the stigma surrounding mental health. I’ve been blamed for my son’s illness; scolded for the things I could have done differently.
Many people don’t understand what it takes to support a loved one who has a serious mental illness. I sat by my son’s bedside while he was on a ventilator in the ICU. I took my son to the emergency room because he thought his brainstem was bleeding. I’m an expert at patching holes in walls. I cannot count the number of electronic devices he’s destroyed because they were sending him messages. I begged the police not to shoot my son when he refused to drop a knife.
These are symptoms of his illness, but it is only a small part of his being. My son is compassionate, funny, and intelligent. He taught me how to love unconditionally, live in the moment, and offer the support he needs rather than what I think he needs.
According to the National Alliance for Mental Illness, one in 17 Americans live with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depression, or bipolar disorder. One of these 13.6 million people might be someone you know and love. We often dehumanize people with mental illness seeing them as violent, unstable, and crazy. The stigma associated with mental illness is so pervasive that those who live with it don’t talk about it and their families feel ashamed. Imagine if we did that with cancer.
The media rarely reports on mental illness unless it’s linked with a tragedy like the Aurora theater or Sandy Hook shootings. Negative mental health reporting spreads fear without providing the necessary education, thus perpetuating the stigma of mental illness.
Schizophrenia affects one in 100 Americans, but have you ever seen a news clip about a person with schizophrenia who lives a happy and successful life? What about the treatment modalities and pharmaceuticals advancements that allow people to live independently with minimal support?
My family, like many others, is doing the best we can to cope with the circumstances in which we find ourselves, but the frustration we experience is enormous. We’re frustrated with the lack of necessary and appropriate treatment. Frustrated with the lack of understanding. Frustrated with the lack of compassion. This frustration leads to grief, doubt, and exhaustion.
As a society we have done a grave disservice to those who live with mental illness. We isolate, fear, ignore, blame and stigmatize. The incidence of mental illness is on the rise. We need to stop fearing and ignoring our fellow humans and start demanding necessary access to and availability of appropriate treatment. We must help improve the mental health system if we want these tragedies to end. In the meantime, the next time a tragedy occurs, refrain from passing judgment.
I acknowledge how difficult this will be, especially for families who have lost loved ones. However, we must learn about mental illness and educate those around us. Help end the stigma.
Candie Dalton is an advocate for mental health treatment and the mother of an adult son living with schizophrenia.
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