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Dear J.T. & DALE: Help! In my last review, my boss said, “I know you don’t like me.” I was utterly blindsided, and finally managed to sputter something about not knowing what she was talking about. Could I have done anything differently? Or, more pressingly, what can I do now? I’ve taken her comment to mean that she’s the one who doesn’t like me. Her quirky behaviors, which I previously found kind of endearing, are now beginning to irritate me. -Brad

DALE: I’m glad you sought us out, Brad, because your reaction is perfectly natural … and utterly counterproductive. You are turning defensive, reacting to her mistaken belief by making it true. However, you can’t argue her out of her feelings; you can only replace them with more productive ones.

J.T.: Do that by setting up a meeting with your boss and saying: “I was so surprised by your comment that I was unable to react. Please know that I do like you and am sorry if it hasn’t come across that way. I’d like to know what I can do to make you feel better about me as a co-worker and win back your trust. Please let me know, because I am willing to do what it takes.”

DALE: Nice. You don’t tell her she’s wrong, but that you want to make it right. By the way, here’s a learning opportunity: What is it that made her feel that way? Have you argued with her in meetings? Have you made comments intended as jokes that annoyed her?

J.T: Here’s another possibility: “resting crabby face.”

DALE: My first thought was that you’re making that up, but nobody would make up “resting crabby face.”

J.T.: There are people who have a natural expression that comes across as sour – even though they aren’t. Could this be your case, Brad? If so, tell your boss that your expressions can be misinterpreted and to please let you know if you are sending the wrong message.

DALE: In my experience, it’s not a crabby resting face that creates bad impressions, but a crabby active one: One frown or smirk can undermine a meeting. So open your mind and open your face, and get some honest feedback. Do not argue; do not frown. Be grateful for the quirky mirror that is your boss.

– Workplace consultant and career coach J.T. O’Donnell has coached, trained and mentored employees and managers on a wide variety of career-related subjects since 1994. Her book, “CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to A Satisfying Career” is available at JTODonnell.com. Management guru Dale Dauten has written six books and is an authority on innovation in the workplace. His latest book, “Great Employees Only: How Gifted Bossess Hire & Dehire Their Way to Success” is available at Dauten.com. copyright 2013 King Features.