Kanye West dissed Justin Timberlake and a number of other beloved things in a rant at a recent show.
After just a month, political career has hit a major roadblock.
Though he is scheduled to perform at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser on Oct. 10, he’s reportedly been forbidden from “[lecturing] the President about how to run the country.” While you could interpret this to mean he’s contractually obligated to steer his inevitable greenroom chat away from Obama’s policies, it’s more likely a safeguard against West turning the leaders of the Democratic party into another captive audience for one of his .
Certainly understandable. The last thing you’d want is your serious political fundraiser morphing into a . But it is a little selfish, robbing the world of what would be his most high-profile, high-stakes tirade.
To fill that void in our lives, we came up with some excerpts from the rant Kanye would’ve hypothetically launched into during the DNC fundraiser.
“…because you want us to believe that Republicans are red and Democrats are blue. That the world is that cut and dried. Guess what? I’m purple. My wife is purple. My kids, they’re gonna be purple someday. Really, most of America is purple. Grimace, that McDonald’s monster? He’s purple too —— inside and out.”
“…listen to the people. That’s all you gotta do. This isn’t rocket science —— you aren’t designing sneakers here. You’re just running a country.”
“Why is it you all get to eat a fancy five-course dinner and I’m stuck with Kraft services? I’m the most famous person in here! No disrespect, but the fanciest thing they have back there is cheese on a stick. And you’re gonna tell me they don’t know that I HATE cheese? Come on, man.”
“When Jay-Z and I wrote ‘Made It In America,’ we imagined ourselves as the founding fathers having just signed the Declaration of Independence. I was Alexander Hamilton, and HOV was George Washington. Before you knew it, we’d written a rap musical about their lives. I called it “Hamilteezus.” I even designed the costumes. Everyone said it was stupid, that it would never work, so we took the best bits and came up with ‘Made It In America’ and scrapped the rest. And now this Lin-Manuel Miranda dude just changes a few letters and is hailed as the next great playwright? Nah. Try to look in the mirror and tell your self that I’m not the next great playwright.”
“You probably laughed when you heard my plans to run for President in 2020. Raise your hand if you laughed. [Harry Reid raises his hand.] I knew it, Harry. And Ariana Huffington, I know you’re out there. I read that headline, calling me an Electoral College Dropout. I’m going to ask you both to leave your pairs of free Yeezy’s under your chair at the end of the night.”
