It’s Halloween, and you’ve got some house parties you need to crash and bars where you’ll need to stand shoulder to shoulder with people decked out as provocatively dressed presidential candidates.
If you’re like the many shameful among us, you haven’t been spending the past several weeks bargain-shopping for fabric and glitter to make your high-concept theme shine. You’ve got mere hours before the revelry starts, and nothing but your everyday wardrobe and a little extra hairspray lying around.
Fear not. We are here to help you dress for the holiday — by dressing like celebrities you see every day. (See, not lazy! Just topical!) Here are the stars you can mimic in a pinch, and the tips — both sartorial and satirical — that will enable you do it.
Kylie Jenner
The youngest Kardashian has certainly made a name for herself — if by name, you mean face, and by face, you mean lips. The oft-imitated Jenner wears a variety of numbers that would be relatively easy to duplicate, such as the barely-there monokini look with see-through panels and fur boots — oh, you don’t have one of those lying around? In that case, a pair of skin-tight yoga pants and a crop-top or sports bra should work. Or the ever-timeless bandage-dress if you’ve got one handy. Makeup will take some effort: You’ll need false eyelashes, smoky eye shadow, a heavily lined lip and some aggressive contouring. Luckily, your hair shouldn’t matter too much, as Ms. Jenner has rocked every style from short to long and green to blond. To sell your look, Instagram and Snapchat constantly. If you have an age-inappropriate friend, bring him along and make sure he spends the night talking about how much older than you he is.
Adele
Want to be super-timely but also fairly comfortable? Say “hello” to your new favorite costume as you dress up like this big-voiced songstress on Halloween. You’ll need some seriously volumizing hairspray to achieve the thickness of Adele’s mane, as seen in her latest video. Otherwise, wear black clothes and a loose but trendy overcoat (or a faux-fur one if you can swing it), get your winged eyeliner on point, slap on some long acrylic nails, and find that old flip phone you stored in your desk after you upgraded to the Razr.
Don’t forget to sing your heart out to every song that comes on, and make sure to touch your face a lot.
Drake
The rapper has really just made it too easy for us this year. Watch a few GIFs from “Hotline Bling” and pick your costume poison: oversized turtleneck, sweatpants and Timberlands; red puffy coat, white T-shirt and light blue jeans; a logo-emblazoned hoodie, track pants and white kicks. If you can’t grow a full beard, just use makeup to draw one on your face — that’s the cherry on top of the Drake sundae. Throw in some bachata dance moves or Carlton-esque shimmying and boom, you’re hip-hop’s most sensitive artist.
Taylor Swift
Although you could dress in any era of the ever-present pop star, the “1989” version of TSwift is your best bet if you’re headed out with friends. Define #squadgoals by coordinating a super-empowering theme with your gal pals — but make sure you dress the sparkliest. Rock some bright-red lipstick, refer to everyone you meet as one of your very best friends and dance like no one (everyone) is watching.
Viola Davis
The most important aspect of dressing like the “How to Get Away with Murder” star is not costuming, but rather confidence, togetherness and some hella moving speeches. Work your natural hair and wear any kind of white dress. Carry some trophies around, and don’t worry if you’re not getting your due at first — people will eventually come around to your awesomeness and wonder where you’ve been the whole time. If you happen to make history during the party, that also works in your favor.
Justin Bieber
If you’re dressing as the biggest comeback kid this side of Robert Downey Jr., you might have to sacrifice your hair. We’re talking a real ’90s, bleached-blond, Devon Sawa coif. For wardrobe, it helps if you’re on the smaller side so that an extremely baggy T-shirt hangs even looser on your tiny body. The closer the crotch of your pants is to your knees, the better. Sing songs that people complain they hate but will eventually have stuck in their head for a week. It’s gonna be a tiring evening mentally, because you’re going to have to apologize. A lot. To everyone. (You know what you did.) If all else fails, in a pinch, just go naked.
Nicki Minaj
Ditch last year’s colorful wig and choose a sleek, straight look for your 2015 Nicki costume. You can wear a dress, or pants and a crop-top — as long as it’s incredibly tight. If needed, a pair of bottom-enhancing yoga pants will likely do the trick. Shout “What’s good?!” at everyone, with the stankiest of stankfaces.
And a general word of warning:
You can still be funny and pithy while still maintaining a basic level of taste. Under no circumstances should you dress up as the following famous people: Lamar Odom, Caitlyn Jenner, Robin Williams or any person that has died in the past five years, Bill Cosby, any member of the Houston-Brown family, and Donald Trump. (That last one’s just trite.)
