We thought no James Bond movie could have a worse title than “Octopussy.”
We were wrong.
The movie with the worst title in the franchise’s history opened just recently: “Quantum of Solace.”
We know it’s the title of a story by Ian Fleming.
It’s still awful.
This makes us nostalgic for other movies with horrible tags.
Here are some of the best, er, worst:
“ballistic: ecks vs. sever.” Fans of the video game it’s based on understood it. Nobody else did.
“The Human Stain.” Is this something you clean off the baby’s car seat?
“The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!” Can’t the rats eat the werewolves and all the humans live happily ever after?
“Gigli.” By the time we ran through all the pronunciation options (“giggly”? “jiggly”?) and got to the right answer, “zhee-lee,” the critics had chimed in, and remembering the name became pointless.
“Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?” How is a mother supposed to respond? This was a TV movie, but we had to squeeze it in.
“Krakatoa, East of Java.” Krakatoa is west of Java.
Inaccuracy honorable mention: “Leonard Part 6.” There were no Leonards Part 1 through 5.
“Phffft.” This sounds like a release of bodily gases.
Gassy honorable mentions: “Eegah”and “Ssssssss.”
“Hells Angels on Wheels.” Where else are Hells Angels supposed to be?
Redundancy honorable mention: “Attack of the Beast Creatures.”
“Feeling Minnesota.” The low point of the gerund trend.
Gerund honorable mention: “Serving Sara.” Both titles sound like porn.
“Free Willy.” This sounds like porn, too.
“Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad.” Just stunningly awful.
Eclipsed only by: “Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?”
‘Nuff said.
